This Blog: Period.

by Kristie LeVangie

So recently, I’ve embarked on a lifestyle change.  This new lifestyle has me doing things like jogging, taking supplements, and counting every carb that slips between my lips.  But the important part to this blog is that these changes resulted in my being in a health food store.

Now, there’s nothing remarkable here.  I know…but wait…it’s coming.  And I apologize now.  You, twisted fucks, read on.

While in the store, I happened upon an aisle that would toss my sense of reality into a realm I’m not sure I really ever wanted to know existed.

So…I bring it to you.  muahahaha!

Yes.  I’m a woman.

Yes.  I have my period.

It’s a fact of life.  And I do what most women do when it’s my “monthly visitor” time.  I drag my grumpy little ass to the corner drugstore, buy whatever tampons or pads are on sale, grab a chocolate bar, and head home to wait it out for the next 6 days.

Really, I’ve never given much thought to my period, except that I wanted it over with quickly so I could get back to banging.

So imagine my surprise and bewilderment when I happened into the organic feminine product section at my local health food store.  I think it was the box urging me to “reduce my carbon footprint” that set me off.

I mean, really???

Tampons are made of cotton.  Pads are made of cotton.  Aren’t they environmentally-friendly and biodegradable by nature???

So curiosity killed this pussy.  I sat for a good 20 minutes taking in the entire shelf.

I mean here I thought there were 2 options for your period: tampons or pads.

(Okay, that’s partially a fib.  I was made aware a few years ago about a cup device called Instead.  Which I tried, for the record…only to be very disappointed.)

So, back to the story…

After I got through the plethora of pads and tampons urging you to reduce your carbon footprint, choose a more natural product without the chemicals traditionally protection products contain, and oh! the sticker shock (These items don’t come cheaply.), I found myself engrossed in the top and bottom shelves.

(Do I need to explain supermarket shelving?  You know how mainstream, high market share products are put in the centers and other products– shall we say, “specialty” products– are put on the very top and bottom shelves?   Yeah…I didn’t think so.)

So now there are apparently OTHER other options for feminine protection.

How about a reusable pad?

Yep.  You just throw that puppy in the washing machine…hopefully with some Era or it will look like a murder victim’s Vera Bradley bag.

Too much work?  Have a need to measure your period for some sick reason?

Try Menstrual cups.

That’s right.  Pop this puppy up your vagina and measure your Aunt Flo.

I swear the box states to rinse it out in the sink and pop it back in.  Makes you think about washing your hands in the public bathroom a bit differently now; doesn’t it?

And if that weren’t strange enough…I learned from a close friend that these

are actually torn into smaller pieces and used by strippers, as well as the environmentally conscience.  (Look ma, no strings in my G-string.)

And here we were living in a tampon/pad kind of world.

…As always, it’s been a blast keeping you informed.

I have to go change my sea sponge now.


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