Male Ego Defined By Their…? What Are We Teaching Our Boys?




by Kristie LeVangie

We preach to our daughters:

“Do not allow yourself to be defined by your sexuality.”

“Don’t be too promiscuous.  You won’t be taken seriously.”

“Love yourself for who you are.  Accept your body and learn to love it.”

“You are wonderful just the way you are.”


We openly rebel against the system, in the form of media and pop culture images, of what women should “look” like.

So why has this not happened with men?


Having done two shows for Playboy Radio, I walk away with 2 observations.

Men do not know how to talk to women AND they are obsessed with their cock size.

Why is it so important to wield the hugest penis?  Does it make you more of a “man” to do so?  Is your manhood threatened when you have a small member?  Do you really think women notice that you are ½ inch shorter than her last lay?

What she is noticing is how well you are doing it.  The size of your cock will pale in comparison to the size of your sexual repertoire.

Your ability to make a woman squirm with delight using your hands, your tongue, your creativity…will do more for your social calendar than a huge member that you have no clue how to use.

You never hear women comparing or complaining about their vagina size.  As a gender, we aren’t obsessed with tightness.

So men…explain it.  What’s the huge obsession with getting longer and getting thicker?

And why do you think as a society we aren’t debunking the size myth with our boys?  Why are we positively affirming acceptance with our daughters, but leaving our boys to believe that penis size defines their capacity to be a man?



  1. Perhaps they feel it so viscerally because it’s out there for everyone to see; and perhaps women as a gender would be more susceptible to the same feeling if their genitalia hung from the outside of the body for everyone to size up at a glance.

    1. I could argue here we do have portions of our sex organs hanging on the outside of our bodies– our boobs, but I see your point.

  2. Unfortunately, it’s too soon to address the question you ask at the end of this post.

    I would like to know how sex and sensuality became such a forbidden subject in this culture. I have a close friend who is smart, liberal, artistic and engaging. And when we compared the books and movies we let our children read, he said “We are completely fine with all the gore and violence out there, but we will have no swearing or sexual content in anything the kids get, because we’re American.”

    I first thought he was joking, especially with the phrase tagged at the end. But follow up conversation showed that he was as serious as a heart attack. I was surprised but I also knew that they were in the majority as parents. My response, of course, is that our rules are the exact opposite for our daughter.

    Look around a crowded movie theater showing the latest shoot-em-up. Every one in the room is a product of fucking. Most people in the room are positioning themselves to be attractive to someone else. Many would choose the touch of a lover over the popcorn. But, instead, they preach “family values” while on-screen terrorists kill and then be killed in a triumphant conclusion.

    Most everyone at the movie will have (and I hope enjoy) sex at some point in their lives. Nobody (I hope) will get shredded in a violent massacre. Yet, what is it that becomes more “entertaining” or marketable?

    And it’s just posturing and hypocrisy. Armies have been raised around the prospect of sexual conquest since Helen ran off with Paris. So many people are thankful for the internet because they are able to get the sexual entertainment that they could never get the courage to buy at the newsstand or video store.

    And my question is why? Where does the shame come from? How can it stay ever-present in our culture centuries after the puritans died off?

    Until then, I can’t figure out why girls in touch with their bodies are shamed and boys are made to think that a dick pic is actually attractive and welcome. These things happen because people keep avoiding the subject with their children.

    1. The sexuality in this country is quite repressed. You make some great points here. So now women are more free to address their sexuality, but we still have a lot of way to go.

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