Sometimes, We Men Need to Up Our Game

by Johnny Jackhammer

Gentlemen, there may come a time when you need to pick up your sexiness. That’s right.  I said it. Maybe it’s a wedding or a class reunion. Perhaps it’s a local tavern or a dance club. Or maybe you just want to stand out from the crowd when some feature dancer visits the local strip club. Guys have a tough time because all the sexy clothes are made for women. Skeptical? Check out your Halloween Outlet each October. For the ladies, there is no shortage of sexy nurses, sexy cavewomen, sexy cats, sexy bunnies, sexy vampires, or sexy sex pots.
_ml_p2p_pc_badge_taller1 bunny shopping







For the guys, you have your pick of clown wigs, mustard bottle suits, or Freddy masks. (Note for the future: be sure to write about clown sex. But I digress . . . )

ketchup clown Freddie








We, Men, can feel like we are at a disadvantage.  Those of us with partners have “outkicked our coverage,” and we know it.  Those of us who are single can feel that like an outsider or a pretender.

Just like good ole, JT…


We need to bring the sexy.

There was a thread started on a community board asking what guys can wear to fetish events, noting that “kinky attire for men seems so silly.” In reality, ladies deck out in spandex and lingerie, and guys are stuck with jeans and t-shirts. I have been to enough such events to see how this is true. But we don’t want it to be that way! We want to be part of the fun and interaction. We want to match the ladies and maybe even turn a few of their heads.

Your own confidence is the foundation: Confidence that you have something to bring to the table. Be secure in yourself. This is especially important if you choose a style of attire that’s out of your comfort zone. Just remember: this is for a fun night out, not a major lifestyle statement!

One night, my wife and I were about to go out to a social event in the kink community. We didn’t have any plans. We just wanted to socialize and see what was happening. Even so, I panicked about how hot she was dressed while I had nothing to wear. She looked me in the eye and told me to just wear my confidence and strength. The clothes didn’t matter.

It was good advice but…I still went shopping.

Here are a few things I learned:

The Basics

In a pinch, just go back to the classic formal wear. A crisp white shirt is always a winner, and you can pull that off with anything from jeans to tuxedo pants. If you have a vest (suit or leather), that’s a good way to finish it. You’ll look clean, and your lady will appreciate the effort. I’d leave any sportcoat behind. Why start sweating without a good reason yet?

Picking It Up

Taking a cue from my lady, I started checking out the local thrift store. You might be surprised what you can find there. When seeking sexy club clothes, make sure to look at button-up shirts – this might work in your favor later in the evening!

Black is an easy and plentiful choice, no matter what size you are. Something loud and colorful might be a good choice, if you want to get noticed as being fun. Look for shirts that you can imagine at a disco – shiny fabrics, loose fit.

If you go with a t-shirt style, try and get something that’s more on the form-fitting side. Both of these choices portray a fun, confident attitude.


Attending Edgier Events

Leather and studs always look sharp, but that betrays my metalhead origins as a Judas Priest fan.

Even so, a studded leather belt and vest with some jeans will make an impression. (Now if I could only find a doctor to sell me prescription mirror shades…)

If you’re going to a fetish event, themed holiday party, or swinger party, you could always make a statement by reaching for pajama pants and robes. Hell, it worked for Hef; didn’t it?


Pictured are a couple of silky lounge pants I picked up at the Goodwill (as well as some dress pants from a major box retailer).  The robe above is a vintage bathrobe I found on Etsy.

They have been comfortable and generate compliments. Bonus! (Don’t brag to the ladies, though. Trust me, they aren’t wearing anything comfortable!)


Big Guys

I have several friends who are larger, but still have a great time getting out and sexy.   And I’m not talking about pals with a beer gut – I mean guys who can’t successfully clothes shop at the mall. One “go to” item for them is a Kilt.


Yes, they can be expensive, but a good kilt will last you a lifetime. Leather kilts, in particular, can be sexy and dangerous and fun.

Plus, you are guaranteed to have ladies ask you what’s under that kilt. Flirt back! If you have some extra girth, I hope you’re able to make it count. You really can’t hide your size, but how you carry it confidently, can make all the difference.

A white dress shirt with a smoking jacket can also make a powerful impression.

Finding YOUR OWN Style

Where to go for inspiration? Think about what the women who catch your eye really like. What do they “ooh” and “ahh” about? What turns their head?

Well, in my universe, the women who are most in touch with their sexuality love Gay Porn. My research did not include watching gay porn (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but it did include looking at club, dating, and fetish styles of gay men.

There’s an old joke about a woman being attracted to men who always turn out to be gay. Well, you could be the one to delight her for a change! You won’t find me waxing my chest or anything, but I just might ask them where they got those leather pants . . .



      1. Truly have enjoyed your writings here, as well as on the other venue… sad to recently see you dissappear from that site where we first exchanged emails.. there’s one in your inbox there now with our contact info…

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