Tech and Finance

Customer Service: Getting It Right

by Kristie LeVangie

When we, as consumers, purchase an item, whether big or small, we expect it to be of decent quality, delivered in a timely manner, and should something not meet our expectations, be no-hassle, returnable.  This is the very premise of the customer-retailer relationship.

…Or so I thought.

I recently had 2 very different experiences with customer service that exemplified in juxtaposition the “right” and “wrong” way to handle consumer complaints.

1.  Kohl’s


Last Sunday, I bought a Croft & Barrow laptop bag.  It sat unused for a few days because I was too tired and too busy to switch over the contents from my previous bag.  But Tuesday night, I emptied out my MacBook Pro, a 7-page questionnaire, my mouse, power adaptor and a few pens.

Thursday night, I saw one of the decorative loops sitting on the carpet by where my bag was placed when I got home from work.  Upon further examination, the straps had begun to come off.  One strap on each side, actually.

This was just unacceptable, from a quality perspective, and I emptied out the meager contents, found my receipt, and wondered how Kohl’s was going to handle my complaint since tags had been removed and the bag had been gently used.

Friday after work, I went into Kohl’s with bag, detached loop and receipt.  I was greeted in a friendly manner, given a sympathetic apology, and credited the amount for the bag back onto my Kohl’s card.  I was leaving the store a very satisfied girl in less than 5 minutes.

Easy, peasy.  My dedication to Kohl’s strengthened even further by the experience.



2. h.h. gregg



About a month ago, we wondered into an h.h. gregg store and found ourselves perusing the refrigerator section in search of a new refrigerator.  We were approached by a very nice salesman who really impressed us with his knowledge of the brands and features on each floor model.  After finding a scratch-and-dent markdown of a $3400 top of the line French door stainless steel fridge, we applied for a credit line and then added on a front loader washer and dryer.  Why the hell not, right?

The salesman insisted we purchase the pedestals to go with them even though we didn’t really feel a need for them.  And finding out they were conveniently “just put on sale” (in our heads = a discount to close the deal), we finally gave in and went home happy to await our Saturday delivery.

Friday before delivery: 

The delivery manager called to tell us that the pedestals were out of stock.  He asked if we would prefer to wait for our delivery or have the appliances delivered, and they would schedule another delivery for the pedestals once they were off backorder.

We said, “Bring on the new appliances.  No problem.”


Delivery went well.  The guys were nice, didn’t wreck the house, and surprise!  They had a pedestal.


No, they didn’t.  It was BROKEN!

Apparently, they made a note that we did not get the pedestal and told us we would get a call when both pedestals were available.

Saturday night:

I got an automated call saying we were getting a delivery within the 3-hour window on Sunday.

Come to find out, after pressing “0” to talk to a human, they were going to deliver a pedestal the following day.


No, they weren’t.  They were not even in stock.


Another automated message.

They weren’t in stock.


Let’s fast forward a bit with automated messages coming periodically.


Two weeks ago:

Guess what?  ANOTHER automated message.  Press “0”.

This time we are told they have 1 pedestal ready for delivery.


I let the boyfriend handle it.

He tells them, “No.  We said not to deliver them until there were 2.”

After a few minutes of trying to explain we never got the original one since it was broken, I yell out in frustration.

“Tell them to cancel it and return our money!  I’m through!”

Come to find out…they sure take your money right away, but to get it back as a refund…7 to 10 days!


Last Friday:

Still no refund.

Go to the store to face this head on.

The manager had to call over another employee to look up our info.  Apparently, they don’t teach the managers to use the computer systems…even for simple tasks.

We are told the refund should be coming in the next few days.


Current status:

The refund was finally credited to our card.




If the end game as a retailer is “the sale”, then h.h. gregg has done a good job.  The pre-sales experience was really good.  The salesman was friendly, knowledgable about the products, and made the experience easy.

Then, as is so typical with a lot of retailers, after they have your money, they no longer care.  Our post-sales experience with h.h. gregg was so horrible and frustrating that not only will I never go back, I’m going to go out of my way to deter ANYONE and EVERYONE from shopping there EVER!  This blog is just another way to share my story with others and warn them before they too find themselves in a fiasco over pedestals.

Not only did h.h. gregg lose my pedestal business, they have lost my future business.  And I already know that I will need a new stove and dishwasher to match the new fridge.

Guess where I’ll be going?

I can tell you where I won’t be.

Kohl’s, on the other hand, has my business for life.  I know that they stand by their products and really care about the customer experience.  They apologized on behalf of the product manufacturer.  They couldn’t really predict that the bag would fall apart after just a few uses, and yet they sympathized with my situation and offered an immediate resolution.

As a business owner, I tend to lean toward the Kohl’s approach.  It’s quite frankly the only way to ensure long-term customer retention and organic growth.

h.h. gregg will just be another company who put too much investment into training and not enough investment in its consumers.

Caveat emptor!

Something To Think About

by Kristie LeVangie

The Human BrainThe U.S. military announced this week in a July 8th news conference that it has chosen two universities to help develop brain implants to help veterans who suffer from brain injuries restore their declarative memory. The universities chosen were UCLA and the University of Pennsylvania in Philly.

The initiative, called Restoring Active Memory, or RAM, will attempt to develop wireless neuroprosthetic implants to help vets recall memories from before their injury and aid in their ability to form and retain new memories.

TBI, or traumatic brain injury, affects more than 270,000 U.S. veterans and almost 1.7 million civilians each year. There are currently very few options for the injured, but the use of implanted electrodes has shown success in treating Parkinson’s as well as other brain conditions.

According to, “The UCLA team will focus on studying memory processes in the entorhinal cortex, an area of the brain known as the gateway of memory formation. Researchers will stimulate and record from neurons in patients with epilepsy who already have brain implants as part of their monitoring and treatment. The researchers will also develop computer models of how to stimulate the brain to re-establish memory function.

The University of Pennsylvania team will focus more on modeling how brain circuits work together more broadly, especially those in the brain’s frontal cortex, an area involved in the formation of long-term memories. The university is collaborating with Minneapolis-based biomedical device company Medtronic to develop a memory prosthesis system. [Flying Saucers to Mind Control: 7 Declassified Military & CIA Secrets]”

As I read the coverage, I can’t help but think we are on the verge of Gattaca or perhaps, Men in Black.

While THIS research focuses on restoring memory, if successful, I can see follow-up research to alter or even destroy memories.

Think about it.

Would you pay to forget your last relationship? How about to erase a traumatic childhood? Or a traumatic rape?

Conversely, would you pay to access certain memories that may lay dormant?

Imagine the power for a minute, and what if it fell into the wrong hands?

What if you could alter someone’s memory to take the blame for something they didn’t do? Or at the very least to provide yourself an alibi?

These scenarios are far from fruition as so much mystery still surrounds how the brain actually functions, but these are all things our grandchildren or even great-grandchildren may have to deal with.

I was shocked to learn that the RAM program is part of a broader BRAIN Initiative launched by President Obama in 2013. With $4.5 billion in backing and a 12-year plan, it’s either going to be a horrible waste of money or a monumental technological leap.

…But it’s definitely something to think about.

CAUGHT: You Just Got Facebook Analyzed!

Cracked-Facebook-Logoby Kristie LeVangie

The big news today comes from Facebook, and some people are outraged.  Others of us realize, shit like this happens ALL the time.

News broke this weekend that the social media giant manipulated almost 700,000 users’ news feeds in 2012 in an attempt to study whether emotion can be influenced by social media.

The catch is no one was told about it until results were released this weekend.

While the company was in legal compliance to do so, some users feel as if their privacy was violated.  By accepting the Terms & Conditions of the social media site upon enrollment, you signed over your right to be forewarned.

So what exactly did Facebook do?  “The experiment involved reducing the number of positive news feeds for some and reducing the number of negative news feed for others. The study found that the more positive the news feeds a user received, the more positive their postings became, and vice versa,” says Yahoo’s The Daily Ticker.

Needless to say, Facebookers tend to get a bit raw when their Facebook is messed with.

The study’s lead researcher, Adam Kramer, took to his own Facebook page to apologize:

“Having written and designed this experiment myself, I can tell you that our goal was never to upset anyone. I can understand why some people have concerns about it, and my coauthors and I are very sorry for the way the paper described the research and any anxiety it caused. In hindsight, the research benefits of the paper may not have justified all of this anxiety.”

This paragraph was embedded in a post offering some additional explanation on the study:

Adam Kramer - Facebook

For the study details, click here.

8-Milgram-ExperimentFor the rest of us social psychologists, non-consensual experimentation is nothing new.  Wikipedia shows a laundry list of non-consensual experiments, including the famous Milgram Experiment from 1961.

The advertising world is a consistent arena for non-consensual social psychology experimentation.  Every time they change a package, a message, a color, a situation…be warned that they are measuring your reaction to the change in brand awareness measures or cost-volume measurements.

The easiest thing to do if you don’t like it?  Shut down your social profile and then, and only then, will Facebook likely take the hint.

For now, Facebook apologizes for the communication regarding the experiment, but not for the experiment itself.  They say they will use what they learned on this study to adjust their communication to users in the future.

Do you feel violated?  What’s your take?



Before We Get Too Serious, Could You Please John Hancock This Social Media Prenup???




by Kristie LeVangie

As if relationships weren’t complicated enough, enter social media.

8716178557_dd5fee6f9dSure, it’s all great when you are fresh and in love.  You share lovie-dovie status updates and cutesy pics.  You sext one another or even go as far as sending nudie videos.

And then, it all goes to hell in a handbasket.

The least of your worries is the embarrassing status updates proving your love detector is completely fucking broken.  He now has those pics of your boobs and that drunken night of uninhibited passion saved to his smartphone.

Sure.  You can unfollow him on Twitter.  You can block or unfriend him on Facebook, but it’s a small virtual world and we live in an era of being “ex”-obsessed!

In a survey done by YourTango about love and relationships, 76% of women and 70% of men admitted to looking up their exes on the internet.   With all the “ex” stalking, there are bound to be some temptations to cultivate a “revengenda.”

According to another study, the 2013 Love, Relationships, and Technology survey, 50% of people have shared personal or intimate images and/or videos with loved ones or friends.  28% of whom have regretted sending such content post-relationship, and 32% have gone as far as asking their ex-partner to delete the material.  This same study found that 1 in 10 people have been threatened by their ex that their risqué images would be posted online with nearly 60% of these threats being carried out.

So how does one protect oneself in an age of social media oversharing?


That’s right.  They aren’t just for marriages anymore.

Social Media prenups are on the rise according to both Time magazine and ABC News.   ABC even notes that 80% of divorce attorneys say they are finding the issue more common in current divorce proceedings.

So how does it work?  Most of them are actually pretty simple.  You both agree to a set of terms (i.e., like not posting suggestive pictures online after the break-up), and should one of you violate the terms, you pay up.  Sometimes to the tune of $50,000!!!

Each prenup seems to be unique to each couple and attempts to cover their esteem issues with online posting.  For example, some may restrict unflattering photos while others will restrict contact with ex-girlfriends.  It’s really all subjective, but ultimately meant to protect both parties from unfair social media practices after you have split paths.

Luckily there are laws in place to prevent jealous exes from spreading your captured carnal moments all over the web, but only if you live in Alaska, Arizona, California, Colorado, Georgia, Maryland, New Jersey, Idaho, Utah, Virginia or Wisconsin.  These are the 9 states with statutes against Revenge Porn or the posting of “identifiable nude pictures of someone else online without permission with the intent to cause emotional distress or humiliation.”   Granted this offense is only a misdemeanor carrying a punishment of up to six months in jail and a $1,000 fine.

There is clearly more work to be done.

And while I couldn’t find any examples of an actual contract, I pondered to myself what might appear on my own (should I ever decide I need one…that’s another blog entirely):

1.  No posting pictures without my explicit consent.

2.  No exchanging of romantic gestures or deeply intimate details about our relationship with members of any gender.

3.  No hiding of your social media profiles from my view. I might think you are hiding something.  I’m not asking for your passwords– only the ability to view your profile without restriction.

4.  You must fly your Facebook relationship flag high, complete with a tag to my profile so I can mark my territory.  And no “It’s complicated” bullshit.

5.  No public complaints about the relationship or my participation in such…unless it’s in a cleverly disguised blog under an assumed name.

6.  After the break-up, you can stalk my pages as much as you want, but don’t attempt to contact me in any form or fashion.  You cannot “like” my statuses or respond to my blogs.

7.  After the break-up, you should delete all pictures of an intimate nature, all sexting strings, all digital homemade porn, and any provocative emails sent to you throughout the relationship.

8.  After the break-up, you should post one last blog declaring your un-dying appreciation for me and how I made you a better person just by knowing me.  Oh!  And how the sex was the best sex of your life and something you will never find with another.

Hey!  It’s my list.


What would YOUR social media prenup include?  Have a horror story about a previous break-up?  Share your thoughts below.


EDITOR’S NOTE: NPR also did a story on All Things Considered about social media prenups.  If you are interested in listening to the story, you can click here.

I Like to Pop Zits When I’m Bored…Among Other Things




by Kristie LeVangie

Now that we have tech…

There appears to be a growing number of people that can’t keep themselves occupied enough.  You know you’ve seen them.

If they aren’t posting status updates about their boredom, they are requesting you to like their status for 3 truths and a lie or….

You know…some of these bored fuckers are app developers.

I mean what’s more dangerous than a skill set, some technology, and all the time in the world?

Okay, well, there’s that.

But this week I’ve made it my civic duty to occupy these fuckers, so drumroll please….

I bring you apps that are a complete waste of time.

Starting with the app that appears to be the greatest time sucker ever made:

1.  Hold On! by IMAK Creations (Apple)

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No.  I’m not asking you to pause.  This app literally is what it says it is.

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You see that “Hold On” button in the center?  Yeah.  You just hold it.  You hold it for as long as you can.  And if you are a loser who associates with other losers who have nothing better than to hold a button for hours on end, you can compete against one another.

Lost, anyone?


2.  iSteam by Konstantinos Eleftheriou (Apple)

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You know those foggy mornings when you were a kid and you would etch an “I ❤ U” in the windshield of your mom’s car?

What about the steamy bathroom after showers when you would draw on the mirror?

Well, it’s now on your phone.

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Literally blow on  your mic to haze your cell screen and then take your finger and write all over it.

Just like an Etch-a-Sketch, you just shake it to start all over.

You can also use a photo as your background.  The app has a one-tap share function, so you can impress your friends with how much time you have to do meaningless things like blow on your phone and make finger art.


3.  Sim Stapler by Freeverse (Android)

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Have you ever thought to yourself, “Man, I really want to staple something.  I really NEED to staple something.”?

This reviewer did:

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For those of us that actually recognize that our phones can’t really staple anything, the developers taut this is an app that takes “the dream of stapling without a stapler” from “a dream” to reality.  They say it’s “the first true office equipment simulator” and “brings all of the thrill and excitement of a ‘real’ stapler right to your screen!”

Guaranteed to feed your OCD tendencies when it comes to office supplies.  Just watch your fingers.  You wouldn’t want to imaginarily staple your fingers together.

4.  Ordain Thyself by The JoPa Group (Apple)

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This app was developed to satisfy your curiosity of what you would look like dressed as different types of religious figures.  Are you sinner and want to see what your antithesis would look like?

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Now guys, this is for Entertainment Purposes only.  Don’t think you can ordain yourself.  (Believe me the app developers point that out specifically.  I can’t imagine the crazy complaints they get.)

Garb yourself as a minister, rabbi, imam, priest or swami.  How about a Klingon priest?  Yep, they don’t discriminate when it comes to religion, and you’ll find over two dozen options.

Then share your fake ordainment with your friends….because you have time to fake religion but not to participate in it actually.

5.  Nose Candy by FDP Games (Android)

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Want to satiate your inner sinner?  Go the opposite way with Nose Candy.  (Also known in some circles as The Charlie Sheen app.) Prostitutes not included.

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I mean what’s a bored soul to do with their time other than cut coke on your mobile?

Vial, razor and the $100 bill are all included.  There are 5 difficulty levels and your phone vibrates when you are high.  Be careful not to shake your phone though, or you’ll splash the blow.

Then, do as all good drug users do, snort the white candy and earn points against your friends.

Nose Candy App

Not an Amy Winehouse?  Maybe you are more of a Willie Nelson?  Check out their latest app, “Roll A Joint“!

7.  Pet Baby by trashicon (Apple)

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After you are high and completely wasted…


Okay, maybe not THAT wasted.

After the coke- or pot-induced philosophical banter…

Screen Shot 2014-05-09 at 10.40.12 AMExercise your muscle as the most horrible parent EVER and get this next app.  By now, I’m sure the conversation has surfaced about how your baby would look as your pet, right?

I knew.  See, I knew.

Well, wonder no more.  Combine the pictures of your dog with the pics of your adorable baby and create something completely hideous.

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As if that weren’t humiliating enough, share the horror with your Facebook and Twitter followers or drunk email it to your mom.

This won’t haunt your child in 15 years at all!

8.  Zit Picker by Modern Alchemists Apps (Android)/Pimple Popper by (Android & Apple)

Are you a completely sick and twisted bastard?

Have a compulsion to expel puss?

Yeah.  I can barely bring myself to write this one.

But I do bring you two options coming in at #8.

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Challenge your other disgusting friends to some “nasty pimple popping action” in Zit Picker for your Android.

You can even use your own face.

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Available on both Android and Apple is Pimple Popper, same principle but a little less graphic.  This one uses cartoon images.

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The app developers, Room Candy Games, present Pimple Popper as a “zit zapping, pimple popping, squeeze-o-rama!” with 3 types of pimples to squeeze out.  

Work your way up to be the “Master Pimple Popper”.

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9.  Paper Racing by Elite Games (Android)

Haven’t had your fill yet of bathroom-related apps?

Try Paper Racing.

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Just drag the little hand off the roll of toilet paper and do it fast!  You are competing with your friends for the fastest time.

Paper Racing App

Why is this so annoying when in real-life your cat does it…


But it’s okay to do in the game???

Oh, that’s right.  No clean up.

10.  Poo Log by AvatarLabs (Apple)/Bowel Mover Lite by Track & Share Apps, LLC (Apple)

For this next set of apps coming in at #10, we focus again on the bathroom, and unless you have a medical reason to do so, I’m going to again call you a sick bastard for downloading either of these next apps.

Introducing the new ways to log your…well, logs.

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PooLog is “a digital timer and journal for recording and studying the wondrous uniqueness of each bowel movement” according to the developers and was based on the best-selling book, “What’s Your Poo Telling You?” by Josh Richman and Anish Sheth MD.

With this app, you can track your digestion and graph your poo.

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As if logging it was not enough, the app also gives you fecal trivia and humor with some educational reference material thrown in for good measure (all puns intended).

Perhaps you prefer Bowel Mover Lite.

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Dr. Oz does.  Thanks to him this app gained a surge in popularity.

This one seems to have more of a medical focus and “can be helpful in trying to make correlations between bad symptom days and other stuff going on in your life – diet, stress, coffee intake, and so forth.”  Track your bowel movements, water intake, stress, gluten-free days, BM notes, and BM textures.  

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But as stated before, if you don’t have a medical purpose for doing so, there must be better uses of your time than poo tracking.

Or is there?

11.  Places I’ve Pooped by  (Apple & Android)

Finally, I present the ultimate time suck.

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As if measuring, comparing, and logging weren’t enough, “check in” to every facility where you drop a load.

That’s right.  It’s the FourSquare for bowel movements, Places I’ve Pooped.

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According to one reviewer, “Pooping in places normal people don’t. I swear this Places I’ve Pooped app has changed my life for the better.”

I’m sure it will do the same for you.  It’s just what you were missing in your life, right?


Now that I’ve wasted a few hours of my life wasting hours in yours, you’re welcome.

Until next time…


Do You Have Any Pinterest?

by Kristie LeVangie

Today, Pinterest announced it reached 750 million boards and 30 billion pins.  Let’s take a minute to Congratulate this growing social network on quite an accomplishment.  

I, myself, have been pinning for a few years now and can account for my 60 boards and 3042 pins contribution.

Given the spirit of the day, I thought I would share with other Pinners out there some of my favorite boards.  Feel free to subscribe to my entire profile or individual boards.  That’s the beauty right!

For Sexual Intellectuals


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Writers I Admire:

In this board, I have gathered what I feel are some of the greatest writers of our time….or at least the ones that have influenced me as a writer.

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Books Worth Reading:

A collection of my most favorite reads.

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Sexual Crusaders:

This is my growing selection of some of the most influential crusaders for sexual rights, expression and liberation.


Eye Candy

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Sexy Sirens:

A collection of historical and modern women that represent class, sass and sex.

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Sexy Men Collection:

Do I need to explain?  Yeah, I kinda have a Bad Boy type.

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Sweet Rides:

This is the board for all the things I could love to have rumbling beneath me.

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Home Burley Home:

This is the folder for the ultimate sexy house.  Home design that’s over the top and out of the budget.

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Bringing Sexy Here:

Images that turn on my imagination and flip my stomach…in a good way!

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Burlesque World:

Images, performers and costuming from my former profession.



And of course my favorite board…all about my little empire.

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The Shades of K– Empire:

Here you’ll find links to many things within the Libidacoria empire.


These are obviously just a few of the boards I pin to.  Check out my others like Get Your Geek On, Shoe Porn, any of my fashion boards (Pin-up, Plus-size, Rocker Chicks, Power Women, She-Devil, Manly Wear), my eBay store, Twisted Humor, and so, so much more.

Got something to share in the world of sexuality?  Send me your pins and I’ll add them to my collections!



Technology: The Early Years

by Kristie LeVangie

I’m currently trying to simplify the house and clear some of the clutter accumulated after years upon years of adulthood.  And then last night, as I stared at the two blank Memorex cassette tapes on my desk, I was struck with the realization that there a whole world of technology that my children will never know– a whole world of technology that led to smartphones, iPods and laptops.

1.  The 8-Track

The first car I can remember my mother owning had an 8-track player.  She would listen to folk music like Carole King, James Taylor, and yes, even Crosby, Stills & Nash.

2. The Typewriter

I remember my senior thesis in college being a disaster area of White-out, ink ribbons, and torn pages.

3. Rotary Phone

Calling Grandma used to take sooooo long as I waited for the dial to return after each number.

4.  The Walkman

I got my first one in the 4th grade.  I thought I was so cool.  My world was opened to the mix tape.

5. The ColecoVision System

Before Xbox or Playstation was even a thought, there was Pong.

6. The VHS Tape

We used to get charged fines for not rewinding these before taking them back to the local video store, and sometimes, the VCR actually ate the tape.

7.  The Polaroid

Teens may dance to lyrics telling them to “shake it like a Polaroid picture”, but few have actually had this experience.

8. The Car Phone

I remember one of my first bosses having to lug around this suitcase-type thing that she finally explained was her “new” phone.

9.  The Record Player

I used to have the coolest Cyndi Lauper album that had her picture imprinted on the vinyl.  I still own about 300 records. My kids simply don’t get it.

10.  The Boombox

Who didn’t bob their head with one of these on their shoulder in the 80s? Now, you just Bluetooth in to the nearest speaker.

11. The Dial Only Television

In a time long, long ago, we actually had to get up off the couch to select between the 3 channels that actually came in when you adjusted the antenna just right.

12.  The 35mm Camera

Remember all the rules that came with these things?  You couldn’t expose the film to light, had to develop it before it went bad, had to wait to see if the exposure was good once you got them back from your local drug store, and often lost entire moments to film that wouldn’t manually rewind correctly.

13.  The Watch

With everything moving digital, telling time by the hand positions on a watch face is a skill set for extinction.

14.  The Calculator

Remember when you actually knew and used the M and MR buttons?  Now, nearly any smartphone is a calculator.

15.  Pagers

I had my first pager in my early 20s.  I was a baller…who had to run to the pay phone at each beep.

16. The Pay Phone

Yes.  They used to be in booths and cost a dime to a quarter for local calls.

17. Carbon Copies

Yes, before you could choose the number of copies to print from your computer, we used to write on a special paper that would make duplicates.

18.  Floppy Discs

There was a time long ago before flash drives when we used to carry around our floppy disks.  In 1984, they could hold up to 1.2 MB.

19.  CB Radios

I used to play around on Grandpa’s CB.  I would talk to truckers at the age of 6 under the name “Disco Queen.”  No wonder about my mouth.

20.  Credit Card Slips

Back before you could slide a credit card on your smartphone, they had these machines where you would imprint the card numbers into the receipt that the store clerk filled out by hand.

What didn’t make my list that would have made yours?

This Article is Written a Little Tongue-in-Tech

by Kristie LeVangie

A little oral dexterity never hurt anyone, right?

Well, loosen up those tongues because there’s a new wave of technology taking the mobile industry by storm.

Go to your app store, type in “oral sex” and watch a plethora of apps reveal themselves promising to help improve your oral skills.  The latest in the craze to gain attention is Lick This, an app developed by Club Sexy Time, based out of San Francisco.  Huffington Post recently reported on this on their website.

But Lick This is not cornering the sex app market by any means.   A perusal of my Android marketplace shows apps that promise to educate you with a library of oral sex tips and tricks.  There is an app for oral sexual positions, one to keep your sex log, and yet others not so blatantly sexual, like Lick the Icicle, Unilever’s Cornetto Lick Challenge or Lick Your Screen.

Try the Spicy Sex Wheel (Sex Roulette) app to spice some

things up in the bedroom or turn your phone into a vibrator with the Droid Vibrator app or iTune’s MyVibe.  The Sex 8 Ball app will help turn your love life into a game too and promises to help you discover new positions.

Need a bit more inspiration first?  Check out the Sex Drive app which pulses binaural beats on to your Apple device and claims to increase sexual desire in 10-15 minutes worth of listening.

Welcome a little critique?  An app called Passion evaluates your stamina and your “activity” level.  Just lay your iPhone on your bed before you start “getting it on”.  The app claims to use the microphone and motion sensors when giving you your sex score.

Now go forth with technology and attempt to score.  I’ve given you all the tools to improve your game.