anger

See Jane Trust. Trust No Dick.

See Jane.

See Jane trust.

See Dick accuse Jane of cheating.

Trust no Dick.

The true character of a man is tested when his mind starts to construct fantasies about his reality.

Harry once told Sally that men could never be friends with women.

It’s a sad world when a girl can’t just talk to a boy. I was recently united with a guy a went to school with. We were friends throughout Junior High and High School and dated one another for a brief stint my Junior year. I wouldn’t call it anything serious. We both went on to have families and careers and earn our hardship badges.

We reconnected a few months ago via facebook and emailed back and forth sporadically, but last week he sent me his number since Facebook Messenger isn’t the easiest thing to use. We started texting, reminiscing and just being goofy. I was enjoying getting to know him all over again and hearing about his adventures since our departure.

But just like Harry said, that was when it all started to go downhill.

The guy I’m seeing (actually LIVING with) jumped off the emotional cliff.

  1. A text message conveying my friend’s frustration with single life turned into an elicit relationship.
  2. A series of sporadic phone calls was deceitful to him and progressed too quickly to be “innocent”.
  3. And even though I cleared it with him before saying ‘yes’, when I offered to help my friend by giving him a ride, my friend was automatically assumed a stalker that would rape me the first chance he got.
  4. A mystery truck was parked outside our house yesterday, so logically, he called the company to scope out the employees and see if he could match it up to my facebook friend’s list.
  5. These are only the actions that I know about.

I get that a certain amount of jealousy is normal, but one has to ask one’s self, “At what point does “normal” end and “crazy” begin?”.

From my perspective, it all boils down to trust. He’ll argue that he trusts me but not my friend. I’ll argue that he doesn’t trust ME.

If we play a bit of devil’s advocate here, even if my friend has ill intentions, it’s obvious the boyfriend doesn’t trust my ability to either fend off my friend’s advances or to be able to identify the malicious intent.

Today I’m plagued with the question regarding the line between “normal” and “crazy,” so I went out in search of answers.

According to Gurl.com, there are 10 signs that tell you if your boyfriend is too possessive, and we seem to have at least 6 going on here.

  1. He doesn’t like you talking to any other guys AT ALL.
  2. He always accuses you of flirting with other people.
  3. He gets mad when you don’t text back fast enough.
  4. He monitors what you do on social media.
  5. He grills you about everything you do.
  6. He gets irate if you can’t find you right away.
  7. He’s really suspicious of your friends.
  8. He gets mad at you about things you wear.
  9. He never believe you even though you’ve never given him a reason not to.
  10. You catch him going through your phone.

My friend suggested, as I relayed the reason I could no longer be his friend, that perhaps the jealousy was stemming from the boyfriend’s own infidelity and thus projecting onto me. While I adamantly denied that he would do that, his escapades last night have me experiencing Pyrate flashbacks.

For those of you who don’t follow my blogs, Pyrate was someone I dated a few years ago who I discovered was hacking into my phone after I fell asleep at night and modifying emails to make it appear as if I was cheating so he could try to control my behavior and drive me mad by paranoia. All his effort only resulted in a messy break-up and an apparent PTSD dating aftertaste.

So here I am. Not sure what to do. I’ve lost a friend to keep the insanity in check, but do I now live a life where I can’t make new friends, text message people, or have conversations with strangers? Is he always going to be questioning my every move and second guessing everyone’s intentions? Is this more a reflection of his lack of self-confidence?

Have you ever dealt with a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend? How did you work it out?

Fresh Eyes for Your Mind

by Jeffersen Sylvia 

“The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.” (Bertrand Russell)

I had a great conversation the other day that generated a whole tangential discussion on knowledge, perception, and opinion, that I’d like to share with you. I am a firm believer that all knowledge is a dangerous growing process. Dangerous, because once a truth is learned, and becomes a personal axiom, if it is not taken out and dusted off occasionally, and tested against who, what, where, when, and how YOU are today, you just might find that the truth as you knew it is no longer valid.

All knowledge begins in steps: Instinct, Observation, Experience, Knowledge, Perspective.

“Those who forget good and evil and seek only to know the facts are more likely to achieve good than those who view the world through the distorting medium of their own desires.”(Bertrand Russell)

Knowledge-Reid-HighsmithWhen anything happens around us, we have an instinctual reaction to that instance good/bad, fight/flight, etc. [Instincts can be tempered, trained, or altered, but it takes a LOT to do it]. We can see someone from across a room, and there is an “instinct” there, attraction, repulsion, curiosity, anger, a whole host of possibilities. However, when we run into someone/something that says, “Danger” we usually listen. If the hairs on the back of our neck stand up, we usually listen, and we should… It’s an instinct that goes back a LONG way in our genetic code.

From there we observe people and situations from the outside, and try to place that shape into the corresponding keyhole. If it’s an easy choice, we’ll usually move on fairly quickly, problem solved. We now think we know what’s going on around us, and DAMN! We didn’t even have to think about that one. Then we run into those that don’t neatly fit into the current observation base. Uh Oh! **Danger Will Robinson! Danger!**

Well! Now we actually have the choice to leave this one as an unknown, or dig a bit deeper and go for the experience of it. Sometimes this is because everything up to now is not throwing off any alarms, seems safe, and you’ve seen it a dozen times, just never “done” it. Hell, every three year old riding a tricycle looks at a two-wheeler as something familiar yet unknown.

So… Now we throw a toe in the water, because we have to see whether the experience is worth digging deeper still. OK.  Seems fine, we have a little bit of experience under our belts. Was it warm, cold, pleasant, unpleasant, this is the point where we can either say to ourselves, I NEED to know about this, or I can easily live without knowing this.

If we NEED to know… Damn! The Human mind is a needful thing, by nature. it wants to learn, and fill, and experience, and record. So now we have to dive in, and figure it all out. This is where the fun starts! The more life experience, and the more knowledge we acquire, and aspire to, the more difficult it is to not let any new knowledge or experiences be colored by our past. Think of how difficult it is to not let your past get in the way. If you had a bad experience in an elevator, you probably get nervous today. This goes with every aspect of every new experience we encounter, ESPECIALLY people.

Every new bit of knowledge that we ingest, on whatever subject needs to be tempered with the perception of who we are, why we are, and what we are trying to gain knowledge of. More importantly, we need to realize that when we apply our experiences and current knowledge to something new, we may end up changing it to suit what we already “know,” and not looking at it from the perspective of this is “new” and I need to see whether it fits into where I think it fits, or elsewhere… If we give the process a ghost of a chance, we usually see new and exciting things everyday that can enrich our lives, and we can gain good and fair ideas that will suit where we are today.

You’re alive. Do something. The directive in life, the moral imperative is so uncomplicated. It could be expressed in single words, not complete sentences. It sounds like this: Look. Listen. Choose. Act. Learn.” (Barbara Hall)