I’m No Angel, But Is Plus Equal?

I’m sure by now you’ve all seen the Lane Bryant ad circulating on social media.



And while the message of plus acceptance is something I have rallied behind for the past decade, this morning I had a hard time associating myself as one of these women.

I watch the glamazons in the Plus Is Equal campaign and admire both their bravery and beauty as they strut their stuff in national ad campaign for the largest plus-size retailer, Lane Bryant. They are each gorgeous, flawless and idols to women of a larger size like myself.

So this morning when my boyfriend complimented my body, I had a knee-jerk reaction of shrugging him off. It’s especially fitting since today I’m dressed from head to toe in Lane Bryant fashion items. From my bra and boyshorts by Cacique to my Lane Bryant-branded pencil skirt, tank and half-sleeve jacket, I’m a walking billboard. Today, I’m feeling casually elegant, super confident and a bit naughty.

So why shrug him off?

Good question.

Why is it so hard for me to take a compliment?

I’m sure all women have this issue. We become obsessed by parts of our body that we don’t feel are adequate enough, and we project all our negativity toward ourselves. For me, size has always been my concern. I target hate toward my arms and my stomach. So I was instantaneously forced to look and ask myself why I couldn’t see my own body in the same light that I saw the “Plus Is Equal” campaign woman.

For all we want to post on social media about self-acceptance, it’s easy to fall back into centuries old body shaming practices. We’ve been raised to sit up straight, project our chest, whittle down our waists, plump our lips, shave our unwanted hair, grown our head hair long and luxurious, wear heels to elongate our legs…and blah, blah, blah. There are so many expectations on our appearance that it’s easy to fall into self-sabotage comparing ourselves to these widely accepted, often contradicting, standards.

No matter how many memes we post, no matter how many compliments we get, no matter what our level of self-confidence seems to be…the one thing we can count on is that ALL women harbor the same kinds of doubts about themselves. It’s an unspoken rule.

So what are the rules to accepting ourselves with so many lingering self-doubts?

According to NEMA (National Eating Disorders Association), there are 10 tips for body acceptance.

  1. Appreciate all that your body can do.  Every day your body carries you closer to your dreams.  Celebrate all of the amazing things your body does for you—running, dancing, breathing, laughing, dreaming, etc.
  2. Keep a top-ten list of things you like about yourself—things that aren’t related to how much you weigh or what you look like.  Read your list often.  Add to it as you become aware of more things to like about yourself.
  3. Remind yourself that “true beauty” is not simply skin deep.  When you feel good about yourself and who you are, you carry yourself with a sense of confidence, self-acceptance, and openness that makes you beautiful regardless of whether you physically look like a supermodel.  Beauty is a state of mind, not a state of your body.
  4. Look at yourself as a whole person.  When you see yourself in a mirror or in your mind, choose not to focus on specific body parts.  See yourself as you want others to see you–as a whole person.
  5. Surround yourself with positive people.  It is easier to feel good about yourself and your body when you are around others who are supportive and who recognize the importance of liking yourself just as you naturally are.
  6. Shut down those voices in your head that tell you your body is not “right” or that you are a “bad” person.  You can overpower those negative thoughts with positive ones.  The next time you start to tear yourself down, build yourself back up with a few quick affirmations that work for you.
  7. Wear clothes that are comfortable and that make you feel good about your body.  Work with your body, not against it.
  8. Become a critical viewer of social and media messages.  Pay attention to images, slogans, or attitudes that make you feel bad about yourself or your body.  Protest these messages:  write a letter to the advertiser or talk back to the image or message
  9. Do something nice for yourself–something that lets your body know you appreciate it.  Take a bubble bath, make time for a nap, find a peaceful place outside to relax.
  10. Use the time and energy that you might have spent worrying about food, calories, and your weight to do something to help others.  Sometimes reaching out to other people can help you feel better about yourself and can make a positive change in our world.

And while these all seem well and good, they are each a monsoon of emotional baggage for most women. Today I battled with #4 but any given day…

Which of these do you battle with most on a daily basis?

Mistress Elle: How’s It Hanging?

That’s right.  It’s time for your session with Mistress Elle.Elle

Mistresses operate best giving instructions.  😉

It’s easy.

1.  You submit your questions to

2.  I share my googled research, sage advice, years of experience, and deliver it to you in one sarcastically biting blog.

Now…I still wonder why men seem so obsessed with their junk.  I mean I’m not complaining.  It’s more power for me.

This week I address the age old question, “How’s It Hanging?”


Q: How’s It Hanging?

Our next question comes from Chuck in KY:

Oh, Mistress,  I have a question.  If men are right-handed, does their member tend to hang more to the left? And vice versa, if they are left-handed, does their member tend to hang more to the right?

Well, Chuck,

Interested in this question, I submit unofficial polls on both my Facebook wall and to the forum of one of my favorite message boards.  The results were quite interesting and none too surprisingly inconclusive.

Some of the responses:

–          Left-handed and slight lean to the left!

–          I’m right-handed and he favors left

–          Right and right, it’s not hooked just a bit of a curve I’d say

–          I’m right-handed and lean to the left.

–          It hangs straight.

–          This morning it is slightly right of center….. and I am right-handed.

–          He is all left

–          I’m right-handed.  Mine Lil’ Willy hangs right but left ball is bigger, but when my switch is on,straight as an arrow.

–          Right-handed and my dick stays on the left pant leg if it goes to throw right I feel way off-balance.

–          It’s straight as an arrow.

So they hang left, they hang right, and some have no preferred side.

Interestingly, you aren’t the first person to question this either.  See Yahoo’s Question and Answer forum here:

There are many theories in the scientific world regarding “how it’s hanging”…and not just the shaft.

According to Professor Chris Mcmanus, the right testicle actually hangs lower than the left testicle due to its weight and volume.

Right side hernias are more common than left-side hernias probably due to its weight and volume. (

About correlations with handedness, it seems to be that in Right-Handers, the left-testicle is positioned lower.  Whereas with Left-Handers, it is the opposite.

Chang et al (1960) found that the right testis was the higher in 62.1% of 486 men, and the left testis higher in 27.4%, the two being equal in height in the remaining 10.5%.

Antliff and Shampo (1959) found an essentially similar result in 386 men, the right testis being higher in 65.1% and the left higher in 21.9%.

The two sets of authors mentioned above differ in their findings as to the effect of handedness, Chang et al claiming that the relationship is reversed in left-handers, whilst Antliff and Shampo found no such reversal.

Additionally interesting, it’s supposed to be well-known among tailors or those in the rag trade that most men dress left.  The rise is the vertical area between your waistband and your crotch. If your waistband is not resting over your hips, you need a higher (longer) rise. Men who are well endowed by their creator will either dress-left or dress-right. Most men in the U.S. dress-left, so most suits have a tad more width on the upper left leg of the trouser, near the crotch. (

Another source theorizes that in most men the flaccid penis points slightly to one side rather than straight ahead.  The direction it points in correlates with what side the heart is on — which is on the left in most people.  Thus most men hang slightly to the left. One sign of dextrocardia (having ones heart on the right side of the chest instead of the left) is a penis that hangs to the right.

Among my small sampling of pollers, two other theories arose that:

1.      It may depend on the side to which a man sleeps
2.      The hand he uses to masturbate (“related to a counter-action against the sideways tug.  Everyone pictures male masturbation as a straight line motion, but since our arms are on either side of our bodies, there is a tendency for some side-ways pulling which can be more or less from person to person.”)

As you can see, science has yet to conclusively explain this.  Research varies, and unfortunately given the environment of sexual research in particular, we are likely to have no “firm” answer anytime soon.

Just be happy you aren’t this guy:

…And if you are, send the Mistress a little email. 😉

Male Ego Defined By Their…? What Are We Teaching Our Boys?




by Kristie LeVangie

We preach to our daughters:

“Do not allow yourself to be defined by your sexuality.”

“Don’t be too promiscuous.  You won’t be taken seriously.”

“Love yourself for who you are.  Accept your body and learn to love it.”

“You are wonderful just the way you are.”


We openly rebel against the system, in the form of media and pop culture images, of what women should “look” like.

So why has this not happened with men?


Having done two shows for Playboy Radio, I walk away with 2 observations.

Men do not know how to talk to women AND they are obsessed with their cock size.

Why is it so important to wield the hugest penis?  Does it make you more of a “man” to do so?  Is your manhood threatened when you have a small member?  Do you really think women notice that you are ½ inch shorter than her last lay?

What she is noticing is how well you are doing it.  The size of your cock will pale in comparison to the size of your sexual repertoire.

Your ability to make a woman squirm with delight using your hands, your tongue, your creativity…will do more for your social calendar than a huge member that you have no clue how to use.

You never hear women comparing or complaining about their vagina size.  As a gender, we aren’t obsessed with tightness.

So men…explain it.  What’s the huge obsession with getting longer and getting thicker?

And why do you think as a society we aren’t debunking the size myth with our boys?  Why are we positively affirming acceptance with our daughters, but leaving our boys to believe that penis size defines their capacity to be a man?