fantasy

See Jane Trust. Trust No Dick.

See Jane.

See Jane trust.

See Dick accuse Jane of cheating.

Trust no Dick.

The true character of a man is tested when his mind starts to construct fantasies about his reality.

Harry once told Sally that men could never be friends with women.

It’s a sad world when a girl can’t just talk to a boy. I was recently united with a guy a went to school with. We were friends throughout Junior High and High School and dated one another for a brief stint my Junior year. I wouldn’t call it anything serious. We both went on to have families and careers and earn our hardship badges.

We reconnected a few months ago via facebook and emailed back and forth sporadically, but last week he sent me his number since Facebook Messenger isn’t the easiest thing to use. We started texting, reminiscing and just being goofy. I was enjoying getting to know him all over again and hearing about his adventures since our departure.

But just like Harry said, that was when it all started to go downhill.

The guy I’m seeing (actually LIVING with) jumped off the emotional cliff.

  1. A text message conveying my friend’s frustration with single life turned into an elicit relationship.
  2. A series of sporadic phone calls was deceitful to him and progressed too quickly to be “innocent”.
  3. And even though I cleared it with him before saying ‘yes’, when I offered to help my friend by giving him a ride, my friend was automatically assumed a stalker that would rape me the first chance he got.
  4. A mystery truck was parked outside our house yesterday, so logically, he called the company to scope out the employees and see if he could match it up to my facebook friend’s list.
  5. These are only the actions that I know about.

I get that a certain amount of jealousy is normal, but one has to ask one’s self, “At what point does “normal” end and “crazy” begin?”.

From my perspective, it all boils down to trust. He’ll argue that he trusts me but not my friend. I’ll argue that he doesn’t trust ME.

If we play a bit of devil’s advocate here, even if my friend has ill intentions, it’s obvious the boyfriend doesn’t trust my ability to either fend off my friend’s advances or to be able to identify the malicious intent.

Today I’m plagued with the question regarding the line between “normal” and “crazy,” so I went out in search of answers.

According to Gurl.com, there are 10 signs that tell you if your boyfriend is too possessive, and we seem to have at least 6 going on here.

  1. He doesn’t like you talking to any other guys AT ALL.
  2. He always accuses you of flirting with other people.
  3. He gets mad when you don’t text back fast enough.
  4. He monitors what you do on social media.
  5. He grills you about everything you do.
  6. He gets irate if you can’t find you right away.
  7. He’s really suspicious of your friends.
  8. He gets mad at you about things you wear.
  9. He never believe you even though you’ve never given him a reason not to.
  10. You catch him going through your phone.

My friend suggested, as I relayed the reason I could no longer be his friend, that perhaps the jealousy was stemming from the boyfriend’s own infidelity and thus projecting onto me. While I adamantly denied that he would do that, his escapades last night have me experiencing Pyrate flashbacks.

For those of you who don’t follow my blogs, Pyrate was someone I dated a few years ago who I discovered was hacking into my phone after I fell asleep at night and modifying emails to make it appear as if I was cheating so he could try to control my behavior and drive me mad by paranoia. All his effort only resulted in a messy break-up and an apparent PTSD dating aftertaste.

So here I am. Not sure what to do. I’ve lost a friend to keep the insanity in check, but do I now live a life where I can’t make new friends, text message people, or have conversations with strangers? Is he always going to be questioning my every move and second guessing everyone’s intentions? Is this more a reflection of his lack of self-confidence?

Have you ever dealt with a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend? How did you work it out?

Mistress Elle: Jumping Into eBay Feet First

That’s right.  It’s time for your session with Mistress Elle.Elle Mistresses operate best giving instructions.  😉 It’s easy. 1.  You submit your questions to mistress_elle@libidacoria.com. 2.  I share my googled research, sage advice, years of experience, and deliver it to you in one sarcastically biting blog. And now, Curious in Ohio “shoely” needs some help from The Mistress.

Q: What’s Up With These Shoes on eBay?

First up is a question from Curious in Ohio: So I have a question….See, I like to browse eBay for used shoes (I am a shoe freak!) and sometimes someone only wears the shoe only a couple of times and decide they hate the shoes and try to sell them.  I have gotten some really good shoes for a good price that way, but I always wondered about those certain listings where the shoes are trashed and the listing of it is “private” (whatever the hell that means).   I am sure there are other women looking for normal shoes on eBay and have come across these listings and wondered what the hell is going on.  Is there a fetish out there where men like used shoes that women put their feet in and have pics with? Can’t figure this one out!! Or could it be a lesbian thing? Educate me.   Curious in Ohio, What a great question!  And I actually have personal experience here.  As a long-time eBay lister, I was once approached about a pair of shoes I listed on eBay a year or so back.  We all know how Mistress loves her shoes, and I had reached the point where my collection was growing larger than my capacity to store them. (Not my actual closet…mine is SOOOO much larger. lol) So…I listed a pair of tan wedged sandals that had been worn quite a few times.  My foot imprint was in the sole but they were clean and good condition otherwise. Just hours after my posting was listed, I got 2 emails regarding the shoes as well as requests for additional pictures of my feet. Come to find out through some further email exchanges there IS a fetish out there for worn women’s shoes and more specifically sweaty feet.

judith-shoes
One of the men to approach me was the writer of this blog:  http://sshshoes.wordpress.com/.  Not only does he surf eBay for potential features for his blog, he also tracks celebrity gossip columns.  And yes, I was a featured foot model for his eBay listers. This fetish is not a lesbian thing.  As with most fetishes, it spans both genders and is a very specialized type of the more general “foot fetish.” To your point of the listing type, posting a “private” auction does ensure that the name and information of the buyer is not made public to other eBayers.  Many adult listings, as well as some clothing, shoe and accessory listings are made private. I  once had a friend who was a crossdresser, and he was able to shed some light on this mystery.  You see it’s uncomfortable for most crossdressers to shop retail stores, particularly to visit women’s retail shops and try on the clothing and shoes.  Just imagine the looks they would get!  So eBay is the most viable option.  Not only are the items delivered in such a way that even the postal worker isn’t aware of the contents, they can shop with complete freedom from embarrassment of other eBayers. So as you are perusing the shoe availability on our favorite auction site, you won’t be able to help but notice these listings now.  And hell, if you need some extra money, there are certainly worse things you could sell.

Mistress Elle: Balloon Fetish (a.k.a. Looners)

That’s right.  It’s time for your session with Mistress Elle. Elle Mistresses operate best giving instructions.  It’s easy. 1.  You submit your questions to mistress_elle@libidacoria.com. 2.  I share my googled research, sage advice, years of experience, and deliver it to you in one sarcastically biting blog. Now…I’ve had so many questions flooding in after the post of this story that we thought it a good idea to dive a bit deeper into this fetish.  The following question was submitted to me and seemed to get right to the point.

Q: Balloon Fetish. WTF???

That’s right. As if it didn’t get weird enough when it comes to our sex likes, there are actually people out there– called “looners” by the way– that enjoy getting their latex on in a completely surprising way…with balloons!

Now when it comes to “looners”, they are not all alike. For some of them, popping the balloons can cause sexual arousal. They actually enjoy the “pop”.

For others, it’s the anxiety or fear of the popping that pops their rocks.

And for others, they may get sexually aroused from blowing them up, sitting or laying on them, or even the squeaky sound of rubbing against them.

And finally, there are actually people out there that become emotionally attached to said balloons and prefer to have sex “with” the latex beauties.

So one will naturally ask, as this question submitter did, WTF???  

The psychology of it, as with most fetishes, varies with the individual. Some might argue the anxiety of the fear heightens their parasympathetic arousal. Other psychologists will attribute the arousal to childhood experiences that link that sexual feelings with this childhood iconic symbol.

It’s also widely thought that the “popping” of balloons is a metaphor for climax…or even death. But as we know the orgasm is called, “Little Death”, in some cultures, so they are essentially the same, right? 😉 Now some of you may be hoping to experiment with balloons to see what’s the hype. Remember, they CAN BE dangerous. “You’ll poke your eye out.” No, seriously. So keep them away from eyes, and it is possible to burst an ear drum, so avoid close proximity to ears as well. And for Pete’s sake, DO NOT insert them into any orifice no matter how horny you may get. Bursting inside you could cause irreparable harm. But we’re sexual intellectuals here, so there’s no need to tell you that, right? It should be common sense. Heed my advice or you will be punished.  Unfortunately, it will be by the Universe and not by your ever-loving Mistress.

Liv’n The Single Life: Sex at the Workplace

Liv 'n The Single Life

“My god! Why would anyone do such a risky thing?”

…Because being bad feels good.

 

Think about it.  We all like to feel like we are doing something we shouldn’t.  That adrenaline rush, the sneaking around…makes it so much hotter. Not to mention the fact that it definitely makes the work day go by so much faster and is more entertaining.  If you have little flirtations and the possibility of something so out of the ordinary, it makes for wonderful mental imagery and gets your libido fired up. If you’re in between relationships, or in a bad one, Momma always said the best way to get over a man is to get under a new one.

Should you or shouldn’t you?

Well, I am here to tell you the pros and cons, and then you can make that decision for yourselves.

Everyone has had those initial feelings of lust and sexual attraction.  Those make your heart race and mind wander to thoughts and scenarios that make you feel guilty or nervous.

It could be the Greek god-like golf club member who makes you feel like your vagina is throbbing so loud other people know what fantasy is in your mind when you watch him. And when he asks you to go into the locker room after closing up shop, you think, “My god.  If I get caught, I will lose my job.”  It could be your boss at the law firm, the chief engineer in your apartment building, or the chef in the restaurant where you work.  That taboo can make any workplace seem so much more exciting. Giving someone head in front of the mirrored doors at the hotel you both work at or having sex on the work bench in the basement can be so exquisitely hot and hard and fast.

That being said, there are some pros and cons to doing the dirty deed where you earn your bread and butter.  Sexual harassment is a very sticky situation.  There are obviously complications if one or both of you are attached.  If you break up a happy family, or tarnish your professional reputation, it could most definitely change your life.  Sometimes we need a change, and we do things that make it happen so we do not have to make the choice. And other times, we just want to have a little fun.

Worst case scenario, you get caught on the pool table at the club, mid-stroke while he is attempting a trick shot with you in a compromising position…or under the bleachers at the stadium when one of you is supposed to be playing and the other is supposed to be working in the snack shop. That could be one humiliating scene you will never forget, but the person who catches you enjoys telling it over and over and over.

It can be so disappointing. If you have an encounter that turns out to be less then fulfilling, then you have to face this chef with the wiggly, pasta noodle penis every day at work, and you may start to really resent even the smallest things.  Work-related comments may seem full of innuendo or take on new meaning.

Or if it is your boss, and he starts throwing spending money your way to go get new shoes, or sends you on errands that are demeaning, or in his worry to keep you from telling his wife, makes rude comments or smacks your ass as you walk up the stairs, or comments in front of clients that you are showing too much cleavage…you have now crossed into the uncomfortable zone.

Then there is the possibility of it developing into a habit, and then, feelings, and maybe you end up becoming a “couple.”  How do you work together and not get caught?  If you have a workplace code of conduct that restricts you from dating that client or a coworker, you may end up having to quit your job or move your business elsewhere.

What about feelings?

You could get your feelings hurt if you enjoy it and then the other person moves on to the next hot piece of ass.  You have to know yourself well enough to know if it is going to be something you can actually handle.

If you can keep in mind that everything has an ending, it WILL end one way or the other, eventually.  You will do the deed.  It will be wham, bam, and no thank you, ma’am, because he is now filled with shame and remorse or worried he will get caught.

Or if he did not exactly ring the bell…like he so eloquently talked his game to make you think that sex on your desk after the school bell rings would be so hot, and you would be that badass teacher that everyone is hot for. Then you find out he has a wee-willy, winky dick, and it literally lasted less than two minutes. How do you face each other at recess duty?

Think this all through and decide if you really can keep your mouth shut to protect his family life.  Or keep yourself from feeling like the realtor who would take one for the team to close a sale, that everyone in town talks about at the water cooler.

Sometimes you need to shake things up, and it can end up being one of the memories you look back on often and think, “My god.  I did that?”.   If you take the risk, and it works out, it may be something for you to think about when you are too old to get it up, but you can sure reminisce and have good stories to tell your grandchildren to throw them off their game, when they think they have invented sex, and have yet to realize that back in the day you were quite the looker and hot-to-trot.

Or you could be sitting there wondering if you HAD taken that chance, what would it have been like?  Is this Greek Adonis really worth risking your livelihood over and taking that chance to find out if it is all you thought it may be?

Well it was for me, but now you decide for you.

Rendering Her Powerless…Female Rebuttal to a Male Writer That Just Doesn’t Get It

by Kristie LeVangie

 

Hello, my readers.  I’ve decided to write this blog after reviewing one of the most asinine lists I’ve found to date out there on the interweb.  Since I deal a lot with the communication issues between men and women in my blogs, I found it only fitting to take on this week’s list and address some of those issues.

Today’s list comes to us from www.askmen.com.  The site boasts over 5 million readers a month and personally I am very scared right now.  While the writing is quippy and delightfully comical, the content and ideology explain a lot about why men and women have so much trouble in relationships.  Let’s discuss the list that inspired this blog; shall we?

 

Top 10: Ways to Render Her Powerless by Ryan Murphy (I tried to link to it but the link wants to keep taking us to the new postings page on the site, so you may have to do some quick research to find the actual link.)

Wonder Woman

10.

The #10 way to render her powerless is to purchase Us Weekly or People Magazine and keep it on the coffee table.  Women love to gossip and knowing “Beyonce enjoys riding the subway” is apparently a surefire way to capture her attention.

magazines

Are you freaking kidding me?  If I was dating someone and saw Us Weekly sitting proudly displayed in their living room, I’m not going to lie.  I think I might assume you are gay.  The gay and fabulous show interest in runway and celebs– not the typical man.

In fact, I would probably walk out at that minute, discouraged by the fact that you would pay almost $5 on a piece of crap.  You want to impress a girl, have a copy of Forbes, National Geographic or Psychology Today thrown on the table.  Wrinkle the pages and make me think you actually have a brain.  Us Weekly, really?

9.

On to the #9 way to render her powerless:

Ryan goes on to suggest that no woman can resist the movie Dirty Dancing.  And if that doesn’t suit your fancy, you can choose another “melodramatic movie that contains excessive dialogue and soundtracks” like The Notebook, Beaches, or Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

Okay, I can’t argue that The Notebook doesn’t get me every time.  It’s a great movie, but I’m sure as hell not intentionally watching it with a guy I’m dating.  These are the movies that girls watch together or alone.  We don’t share that whimpering vulnerability with men, unless we’ve been with you a while…or it’s some kind of wickedly intentioned test we are submitting you to.

Besides, most girls I know would enjoy an action, blow-‘em-up movie just the same.   I think we all crave “gratuitous nudity and explosions” once in a while.

8.

Okay, on to #8:

Apparently, another media item that will sap the power from females is “These Boots Are Made for Walking” by Nancy Sinatra.  Other suggestions include Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Want to Have Fun,” Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” and Marc Cohn’s “Walking in Memphis.”

Who even listens to these songs anymore?  And I don’t know about you, but none of the songs listed are really good to dance too.  Unless you are drunk, in which case who needs the music?  (Um, why didn’t alcohol make the list?  I wonder.)

7.

#7 – Drum roll please….

According to Ryan, the next step to rendering a girl powerless is to tan.  That’s right.  Tanning.  Apparently all women “need the sun” and so should men to meet them.

I can’t escape the fact that when I think “tan,” I think George Hamilton–  who, while still white, was a very attractive older man.

George Hamilton now

Now? There’s nothing sexy about wrinkled leather.  I can’t recall ever—and I do mean EVER—looking at man and thinking, “Check out that tan!”

And no matter how much color you have, it will never supply you with substance.  Brains over brawn.  Which brings us to #6…

6.

We all know that no relationship is going anywhere unless we can talk to one another.  Communication is key.  Although our quippy little author Ray would have you believe that women are quite the Chatty Cathy’s.  Apparently we talk constantly and by doing so as well, you can overpower us and cause a tidal wave of swooning.

NOT!  If you don’t have anything interesting to say, shut the fuck up!  That’s right.  Women live in a society where communication primarily falls on them.  We are required to make appointments, attend parent-teacher conferences, hobnob at corporate parties, and listen to ranting hairdressers.  Keep the conversation interesting. Inspire us with a new point of view.  But do not talk just to talk.  I get that enough from the women around me.    Of the men I know that talk about every detail of everything that goes on in their days, I would much rather turn on the tube and watch CNN or poke my eye out with a toothpick than listen to how a carburetor had to go back to AutoZone three times.

5.

But you know Conversation isn’t enough, according to #5, we should be trash-talking one another.  According to www.askmen.com, women enjoy verbally battering everyone from “their mouth-breathing boss to the best friend they secretly hate.”

You know that that’s what’s missing.  I love those dates where you end up bashing former lovers, relatives, co-workers and friends just for the entertainment of others.  I’m not even dignifying this petty one with wit.

4.

# 4 states that women LOVE relationship analysis.  We love Dr. Phil because that is what he does.  And while the boyfriend is deciding on his fantasy football picks, we are researching his commitment phobia.

drphil-small

Give me a break!  How many of us have time for this shit?  I actually have a very full life.  How would I even have time to worry why he didn’t hug me before I left this morning?  Who cares?

If we have problems, be a man and tell me.  Otherwise, get your shit done for the day (just like I am) so when the sun falls, you can meet me in the bedroom free to focus on one thing.

3.

And if all else fails, go for #3: The Bachelor.

Apparently (news to me) all women love to watch The Bachelor.  Ryan goes on to mention, “Where else can they experience a world where everyone lives in mansions, first dates involve transatlantic flights to Paris and women get rejected with a single red rose?”

Bachelor

Hello!!!  Soap operas? Barbie?  Disney fairytales?  At our age, not only do we realize that fantasy is fantasy, we are so inundated with this crap that we are completely appreciative to see the toilet seat down, you in clean underwear, or your suggestion that tonight “it’s Wendy’s.”

At the very least, most women watch this shit to make fun of it.  Probably much in the same reason we look at Us Weekly!

2.

Number 2 on their list is Bath Baskets.

Okay, women.  Take note.  Diamonds are out and bath baskets are in!  Try wearing that to show your friends.  According to the AskMen writer, women “adore manicures, pedicures, and dainty little bath baskets” which men “have no need for.”

bath basket

What women REALLY enjoy is pampering.  And please spare me.  If you are going to shove a bath basket at me and expect me to entertain myself, you are sorrowfully mistaken.

If you aren’t willing to expend the energy or take the opportunity to suds me up, forget about touching me later.  Better yet, just hand over the money you would have used on the purchase, and I’ll entertain myself for a while.

1.

And finally, the #1 way to render a woman powerless is…okay, don’t laugh…

Photo albums.  That’s right.  Apparently photo albums are the aphrodisiacs of all aphrodisiacs.

Photo albums

 

Forget the oysters, the mushrooms, the cologne.  Throw together a photo montage of anything you want, and you are golden.  Better yet, ask to see her “exhaustive collections,” and you can skip the entire courtship.

I find this one particularly hilarious as ALL the women I know are so disorganized when it comes to photos.  I myself have a bin of photos collected over the years that sits in my closet collecting dust.  I pull them out once in a while when the kids have art projects that require photos of them as babies, but my photos never see the light of day otherwise.

I’m done with this ridiculousness.  Render me powerless in the bedroom and leave the games there too.  I have no use for them on the other side of the door.

 

Check back to see what ridiculous list I take on next, but for now…I’m out.  Gotta go organize those photos.

Semester Complete

by Johnny Jackhammer

Do you know your “hard limits?” Have you thought about what you would never, ever do sexually to or with someone?

Most of us can probably list off our taboos. When GWN and I first flirted, she established, and we agreed on, the hard limits quickly: no kids, no animals, no pain.   Those limits seemed reasonable, and they are probably more liberal than most. It showed that we were open to many sexual opportunities with limits that were easy to accept.

Attend a weekend-long BDSM event, however, and you might find your hard limits change. The introduction of pain into sex play was opened up a bit for us during this conference. Although we haven’t become lured by the more brutal stuff, I could write a full article about fun we found with sharp and intense barehanded spanking.

At events, pain play occurs in a controlled environment with full consent of all players. Everyone involved is sober and present. Roles and activities are carefully mapped out, with safe words or gestures to be used if things don’t go as expected or desired. That’s important, because this is all supposed to be fun.

One new area of kink for us was Medical Play.

We were invited to watch a scene by a great couple we met at the welcome mixer, who were eager to display their skill and equipment. They have a power exchange relationship, and she is the Master.

A lot of time was spent on scene preparation. Sheet covers and drop cloths were secured; rubber gloves and safety equipment were made handy.

The sub was ready for play as the top secured some wires and straps around his penis. From there, he was connected to a small device that looked like a guitar pedal with dials instead of buttons. We were told it provided mild electrical stimulation to his cock during play. He described it to me as a unique thrill, comparing the feeling to a soft and steady blow job. My interest was piqued as I imagined how I might try such a device. His Domme picked up the pedal, asked if he was ready, and gave a small, easy turn on the device.

Image

“Aargggh!” the slave exclaimed in a mixture of pain and surprise. I mentally crossed the electrical box off my “toys to try” list! (It was an Erostek 232, in case you want to give it a try.)

She quickly backed off, and he eased back onto the medical table, ready for play. He was blindfolded and lightly secured. She disrobed and put on gloves to begin the needle play.

We were fascinated by the precise and controlled application of needles to the submissive. GWN got up to get a closer look as I settled into a chair by the table to observe the scene. The Master moved around the slave as she slid very thin needles through his skin so the point exited. None of them went deep, and only a few of them bled, yet drawing mild trickles of blood were both the goal and the kink.

Unique placement drew my attention. Three small needles were criss-crossed underneath his nipples to create an “endorphin button.” Once in, she could enhance his sensation through firm, careful taps on skin above the needles. Additional stimulus came through the use of a tuning fork, humming onto the endorphin buttons, creating vibrations of pleasure and pain.

Once his pain tolerance was increased, she moved to his penis. Multiple piercings were made through his shaft and scrotum. All the while, the Master regularly checked in to make sure that he was well and enjoying the experience. The electrical current made his cock softly pulse, but not become fully erect during the scene.

Most surprising was the tenderness involved in the play. I witnessed similar care and concern being shared at other medical scenes through the weekend. They had a common goal of causing or receiving pain, and they had a shared desire to see and smear the blood that arose from the play. I wasn’t necessarily aroused by it, although my lady felt a tingle. I very much liked seeing how much the players enjoyed the scene.

Oh, wait. I now remember an arousing part. To place additional needles through his ball sack, she climbed the table above him, lightly grazing her breasts over his body and ending where her pussy could meet his mouth under the blindfold. He extended light licks as she reached over and applied more needles. Now that the pain levels increased into a mix of pleasurable tolerance for him, she shifted and sat on his face. He ate her out while she carved the word “MINE” into his chest. It was a clearly sexual event, and we welcomed the view.

In BSDM play, once a scene is complete, careful clean-up takes place. But before that happens, the sub receives after-care. This is a valued part of the play. While this includes washing and being made comfortable, it mostly focuses on the warm connection between the players. There may be a blanket or a hug. There is always fresh water and subdued stimulus. The players have made a deep connection, and they both benefit from being slowly eased out of their euphoria.

Upon returning home, we quickly registered for the next conference. It was a welcoming environment that encouraged us to be wild, dress scantily, and feel accepted regardless of our body flaws or advantages.   We all have magic to bring to the table.

 

Things Heat Up at Kollege

by Johnny Jackhammer

Johnny continues his adventures at Kinky Kollege.

 

I love Walt Disney World.

I like the fact that there’s something there for everyone.  Want some thrills?  There are some very well-themed and fun coasters.

Need to take it slower?  Incredible shows and dark rides are calling your name.

Just like to people watch?  A cross-section of the globe can be found walking around.

…And every visit is unique.

 

The fetish convention is a lot like WDW.  Not in the content, of course, but the variety and accommodations provide something that will interest everyone.

To loosely paraphrase Dan of the Erotic Awakening Podcast, a fetish is something that makes you feel a little tingle down below.  Everybody has different tastes, and many of ours overlap.  GWN and I were on a quest to expand our tingle list.

Image

Being more into sex than power exchange, I admit the Glory Hole was high on my checklist.  In this case, there was an Intimate Room, and the Glory Hole station was prominently featured just inside the entrance.  I kept an eye on it as we walked by through the weekend and never saw it in use.  In fact, the Intimate Room was lightly populated throughout the weekend, with crowds gravitating to the main dungeon instead.  On our second day, we couldn’t resist and created our own scene. I think GWN had fun because it was a long-time fantasy of mine.  I had fun because it was naughty, yet I had the safety of knowing who was on the other side of the wall.  And, even though there were a couple people who hovered around, I didn’t see anybody try to enter the other two holes on the three-sided panel.

That is one thing that I have learned about the fetish community.  With rare exceptions, people won’t join a scene unless explicitly invited.

The next thing that gave me a tingle was a handwritten notice on the community bulletin board saying “Wanted: guys to gangbang me now in the Intimacy Room.”  I wasn’t tempted to participate, but I was excited by the idea that there would be a legal, free and open call by a woman who wanted multiple cocks. I expected to see it become a standing room only event.  Instead, we saw a woman getting pounded on an air mattress with a few guys sitting in banquet chairs looking on.  We did see her going at it a couple times with different people, but we never saw a group or gang thing get started.  It was too bad we didn’t bring GWN’s strap-on harness down with us!

Another place high on my list was the XXX Theatre.  I am an unapologetic fan of pornography, with a particular interest in unique, extreme, and artistic porn.  The porn being shown was actually a loop of a private BDSM party in an upscale location.  It was hot with variety and kink, yet fairly mild in the S&M category.  We enjoyed stopping in a few times.  We heard enough smacking to know that it was a free activity zone, so we decided to put on a little XXX show of our own.  (I did note earlier that I was an exhibitionist.)  GWN sat up on a table near the front row, and I pulled up a chair at her level hip to enjoy my favorite position – dining at the Y.  At one point in the pleasure, a friend we had met earlier in the dungeon gently came up and asked her if he could join in the scene. She looked at me, and I nodded my approval (heaven forbid that I stop to actually talk).  And while I worked on her, he rubbed and fondled her back, neck and chest.

Adding a play partner was new territory for us.  In some ways, we had been looking to expand the “toy box” (if you count other people as potential playthings). We chose to explore the BDSM community over the swing community because it seemed like there would be less pressure and more acceptance of diversity. We like the commitment to knowledge sharing that is inherent in the BDSM world.

Which brings me to the most important lesson learned that weekend:  don’t be afraid to stop and communicate.  You won’t kill the moment by taking a moment.  In the movie theater case, I was feeling loved and part of the fun.  I wouldn’t have cared what she extended out to the friend who approached us.  Because we didn’t stop to touch base on where this was going, she felt distracted wondering what my limits have been.  In that moment, I’d have been open for whatever she felt like.  It’d have been fine for her to stick her hand down his pants and show him her mad skills, but the scene fell far short of this due to the respect and regard she had for my feelings.  It should have been simple and natural to take a time out to discuss limits, but that is not always easy to do while in the heat of the moment.  We will continue to work together to improve our communication.

After some public sex play, it was time to expand our knowledge in some more extreme areas.  Anyone ready for needle play?

 

 

Getting the Lay of the Land – The Event Begins

Part 2 of my journal about a weekend-long fetish event.

by Johnny Jackhammer

There was a distinct lack of nervousness as we walked into the conference registration room.

The people were welcoming and warm. Then we were hit with the paperwork.

At a private fetish event, there is plenty of paperwork to navigate. It outlines the rules, what you are about to encounter, and what is not allowed. Events are grounded in consent and safety for all participants. A signature means that the signer is not squeamish, believes in sexual expression of all orientations, and acknowledges that just about every sex act imagined will be taking place. We signed eagerly.

(Side note: one of the rules prohibits photography once you are past the security checkpoint.  Therefore, there will be very few photos included in this series and none with this chapter.)

This may surprise you about the BDSM community: it is a warm and welcoming community of people. Of any collection of people, I have not known more consistently tolerant, cheerful, and supportive group. Perhaps it’s the open vulnerability of striking up a conversation with somebody who is wearing nothing but a collar with their hands tied behind their back. Kinksters want to share their interests, show off their bodies or outfits, and make new connections. For many participants, this is a lifestyle of power exchange and connections.

Events like this all have “play” space, usually referred to as “the dungeon.” This is where you can witness most of the fetishes and edgy play. Often, the most popular equipment is the St. Andrew’s Cross, which is a wooden X-shaped frame that people can lean against or be restrained on. In most all cases, whippings, floggings, and beatings take place there.   If you attend, you need to be ready to see bodies brutalized until black marks and bruises are raised. Later at the parties and hallways, we saw many corseted ladies proudly showing off their blackened chests.

In the midst of the harsh action is a prevailing consent. Tops frequently check in on their bottom, making sure that the scene is going according to everyone’s wishes.   Extreme play creates a need for tenderness and after-care that is essential as a cool-down.

There are usually a few spanking benches, which are dual-leveled and padded. You kneel on the knee rest and lay your torso over the padded top. Here you’ll generally see spanking, paddling, and – on special nights – some fisting.

Beyond the dungeon, this convention had playrooms for sensual play (home to glory holes and gang bangs), bondage play (with plenty of scaffolding and framework), and medical play (more about this one later). Along with the play spaces, there is a XXX theater open and running for all the conference operating hours.

We appreciated that the conference kicked off with a dungeon tour and a pizza party mixer. They had a cash bar at the entrance, and my lady, GWN, and I grabbed nice stiff cocktails to go into the room with. As we started to mingle, we understood why there was no line at the bar. We might have been the only two people with drinks in our hand. While the swing community is a drinking culture, the BDSM community is not. There are some who may partake on separate occasions, but drinking is not generally a part of fetish play.

At the mixer, we quickly encountered an attractive couple. The woman was Amazonian in stature, and her man was kind and collared as her slave. We had a great connection and came to like them quite a bit. They planned some medical play later that evening, and they hoped that we’d be on hand to watch.

Which brings me to one of the conference tracks – Master and slave relationships. One thing I learned is that the Master/slave connection is not one of brutality but of service and protection. My assumptions were clouded by watching in Roots in the 1970’s, for sure. But instead, I learned that it can be a comfortable fit for the right type of people. Masters are dominant, for sure, but they are strong in how they watch out for the best needs of their slave. Punishment is immediate and public sometimes, but often it’s part of the kink for both parties. For example, the slave may be ordered to kneel on the floor next to the Master and wait quietly for a command. Even with this layer of control, there is explicit consent throughout.

The convention was a smorgasbord of kinky fun. We really enjoyed the “Tapas” session, which set up stations in the dungeon for people to get a taste of various fetishes. GWN gladly had her boots licked and feet worshipped, and we witnessed some amazing heavy flogging by a true artist. Other stations included a vacuum bed, fire cupping, light needle play, light whipping, and rope suspension. This was a useful offering to give people a taste of what they might want to try when the real play parties begin.

I also learned how freeing it is to see abundant skin and kinky outfits maneuvering through the conference space. Most people in our culture are self-conscious to some degree, and it was liberating to see so many different body styles be desired and accepted. We enjoyed seeing men and women of all types – between 80 and 400 pounds, from 3 to 7 feet tall – feeling sexy and showing off.

Sexiness is truly about attitude, and fetish events are filled with attractive people who were hotter than any Hollywood starlet. Sure, the model might have the Barbie-doll body, but we were much more turned on by the BBWs who were rope-bound and begging to be handled. I have to admit that there is something admirable about a 6’, 90-pound gender-flexible man in a wig, high heels, and a skirt. It’s the freedom and attitude that is sexy, not the package.

Now that things have kicked off, the only question left is do we just watch or do we jump in and play?

Reminder: This blog is discussing the Kinky Kollege.  You can find more at their website here.

Back to School in Chicago

By Johnny Jackhammer

 

I didn’t read 50 Shades of Grey.

I won’t read 50 Shades mainly because I’m a literary snob, and people I trust have characterized the series as an unrealistic description of true Power Exchange in the BDSM community.

But I don’t need that book series to build my interest in kink.  I have long been a kinkster, and my wife, GoodWitchNorth (GWN), and I have been testing out the waters of our local BDSM community.  We are lucky to live in a place that has been jokingly dubbed “the Rope Capital of the World,” so events close to home have been easy to find.

I am glad the book exists however; because anything that opens kink into the mainstream is a good thing.  But even with this advance, sexuality somehow needs to be enrobed in violence and domination to be accepted by the public.  The sensuality that makes the world go ‘round remains taboo.

But in our house, my wife and I are expanding our boundaries, taking the time to plan overnights and getaways that have a kinky edge to them.  We are glad to be over 40, which gives us a solid blend of confidence (to feed my exhibitionism fetish) and open-mindedness (which expands opportunities for her adoration fetish).  Seeking out a sexy event to see and be seen, we enrolled in Kinky Kollege.

Kinky Kollege is a weekend BDSM conference held in the Chicagoland area by the Leather SINS organization.  It’s a pansexual event featuring classes, vendors, a silent auction, networking opportunities, and a dungeon playspace open from 9pm to midnight each day.  The event is held twice a year, with “Prom” held each March and “Homecoming” held each October.  While it’s not a total hotel takeover, it is held in a private space with strict security.

As I write this, KK is fewer than two weeks out.  How does a first-timer prepare for such an event?  My thoughts are to PLAN and then PACK.

PLANNING

For a kink conference, we need to identify our fetishes.  Classes at the “Kollege” run a broad range.  Subjects range from “Rough Body Play” to “Tactile Torture Worship” to “Let’s Get Cracking – Whips 101.”  There are some more sex-centric topics, as well, including “How to Give a Great Blowjob” and “Playing in Public.”  I’ll compare notes with GWN, and I expect that we’ll do more than half our classes together and one or two on our own.  I know that I’m interested in a basic rope class, a session on prostate milking, and some sessions on scene creation and playing in public.  We might hit the “Fist-A-Cunt” session together, if only to watch the demonstrations.

No matter what, though, we’ll probably choose classes for the day on the mornings of the event.   Most of our interests are shared, and we’ll want to stay flexible.   You can check out their course descriptions at their website.

The schedule shows classes in the morning and early afternoon.  Vendors go all day, and dungeon play takes place at 9pm.  There seems to be plenty of free time, so I want to make sure that we also plan for some extended hang time in our room.  Perhaps we’ll make some friends!

PACKING

Like every BDSM event we have encountered, alcohol is not permitted.  It makes sense, since the action can get fairly risky, making it important for the participants to keep clear minds.  Plus, sex can only be at its best when one is sober; don’t you think?  It might get rougher and sweatier when you have a jag on, but you’re more likely to reach sensual peaks when you are fully present.

Even so, our packing list starts with a bottle of good French vodka and bourbon.  We will take plenty of breaks in our room, so our list will include snacks to match as well as extra glasses to entertain friends.   I’ll make sure to grab some appropriate snacks: sharp cheddar, water crackers, hummus, and fruits.  Good things to keep Happy Hour happy.

Since the event includes classes, followed by social events, followed by dungeon activity, multiple outfits are called for.

As a man, I figure I should have some jeans and tight t-shirts, sharkskin slacks with crisp white dress shirts, sexy underwear, assless chaps (don’t judge me), jocks of various types, and maybe a spray-on tan for my Midwest whiteness.

Women have many more sexy choices available.  I, for one, am very glad for that.  GWN will have a lot of revealing lingerie, sexy dresses, leggings, garters and hose, boots and heels.   Red and black permeate her wardrobe, with some fun and sexy t-shirts for the more vanilla events (like one black shirt that just reads “Area Woman”).

ToysThe last item will be our Toy Bag – I figure that you never know what might be needed while in the dungeon.  I plan to include multiple types of lube, unlubricated condoms (in case GWN fulfills her fantasy of pegging a row of “boy butts”), rubber gloves, and cleansing wipes.  The toys should run the gamut from cock rings and vibrators to paddles and harnessed dildos.  Be prepared for anything, right?

I’ll throw in some erotica and music for good measure.  If the activities don’t meet our expectations, at least we can take advantage of hotel-style relaxation.

I hope that will cover any anticipated needs, but I’m sure there are plenty of discount stores or a mall nearby.

The hotel instructions warn that participants need to keep covered in public areas.  This is especially true in their glass elevators.  Chaps are family-friendly; aren’t they?

What if I wear a cowboy hat???

More to come on this…

What It Really Means to Be a Female Sex Writer

by Kristie LeVangie

This article was inspired by a discussion I had with a fellow sex writer on the perceptions, rumors and issues facing women writing about sexual topics.  We are both single, both sex writers and both face relationship-establishing issues because of it.

No profession is more over-glamorized than that of a sex writer.  Think about it.  You probably imagine some artsy loft with pallets, heavy velvet curtains, and a woman, half-dressed, a vodka rocks in one hand, a cigarette in the other and her silk robe is hanging off her shoulder.  Of course her hair is disheveled and pulled up behind her head and held with a pencil.  She strikes keys feverishly recounting the details of how this afternoon’s lover just banged the shit out of her.  She gets paid tons of money, takes on lovers she meets throughout her lazy days, and ferociously chases new experiences to improve her story content.

I have no doubt, because I’ve heard it myself, that this IS the image people have of me…especially men.  Because add dating to a passion for artistic sexual expression and…

Most men don’t get it.  They never try.  They assume I am recording their every move and reacting for the sake of storylines.  Most only want to be captured in print.  Few rarely are.

Ironically those that are rarely read the things written about them.

They assume I write about graphic sex acts and am a complete nymphomaniac.  Shall I dare even say SLUT?  Oh, I could regal you with some stories here, but I’ll let the grapevine fill in the latest sexual rumor.  (Did you hear that Kristie LeVangie _____________ (fill in the blank)?)

They assume I fall for every piece of dick I meet, and that every man captivated by my words or pictures that lays claim to fucking me, has.  They have even assumed I am disease-ridden, a human vile of STD’s, because I must practice all I write about.  Right?

They assume I have no feelings beyond sexual desire.  Besides sex is all ANYONE ever associates with you.

They also assume ALL you write about is sex.

They assume I am incapable of being innocent, nurturing or a loving partner and mother.

They assume you know EVERYTHING about sex.  People divulge their innermost sexual issues to you.  People you barely know.  People that may know you through your writing.  And I’m talking TMI information!  …But you smile and nod.  You assure them they are normal and send them to a random website you used once in research thinking it might have an answer.

You weed through a thousand “U R HOTT” emails a day.

You get dick pictures in the middle of the night via email.

You work long lonely hours in front of your computer.

You juggle another job, because the money is meager.  You can’t afford Manolo Blahniks, Carrie Bradshaw!

No matter how good a person you are, people will tear you down.  Nothing delights them more than to create fantastic stories of acts or ideas that you may, or may not, have ever done, influenced or provoked.

You don’t live a naked life.  You prefer yoga pants and a comfortable Old Navy tee.

You get whispers AND accolades from complete strangers– the shame and pride rollercoaster.

You put yourself out there through your writing and open yourself up to criticism.  And anyone that chooses to love you should grow a tough skin as well. They are not free from the crossfire.

You can never be sure if you are a “conquest” for a lover or a genuine interest.  Everyone wants bragging rights, and it’s rarely a genuine interest.

And finally, all of us are not gorgeous semantic glamazons.  We are normal women, writing about the experiences, fantasies and innermost thoughts of normal women.

Cigarettes?  On occasion.

Vodka rocks?  On occasion.

Lingerie?  It’s as uncomfortable to write in as it is to do other stuff.

False perceptions?  Most definitely!

And finally, no matter how hard you try to explain your “normality”, no one will ever listen.