Is Keeping Your Cookie in the Jar Unrealistic?

Laura Wize Cookie

I am on strike and it’s nothing new. When I am single I usually do not partake in casual sex. Honestly it’s a bunch of effort creating a false sense of intimacy with a guy, so we can have real sex.  Creating false trust with a man is like watching sand fall through an hourglass, it’s just a matter of time before something shady goes down.

I read Glamazon Tyomi’s article on Sex Before Commitmet or Nah? She took a poll to determine if abstinence is the path to marriage or if we are fooling ourselves. The vast majority 62.5% felt it didn’t effect their chances of a long term relationship.

I know couples who had sex within the first few dates who eventually got married. That being said I don’t have a great deal of married friends. I think the way society is set up it doesn’t matter if you wait or sleep with someone new every night you can end up being the same amount of single.

There is no magical set of actions that will make you un-single, but what if abstinence became a filter? A way to weed out the worthy and the unworthy and the process of locating the worthy became more diligent. This concept would only be valid to ladies who desire commitment. (because I am not anti-sex in any way)

What if, the thing that is really keeping you from being in a committed relationship is you are trying to make relationships out of great sex? People can say what they want but for women sex can often create emotional attachments. You can say with your mouth that this isn’t serious but after you’ve been intimate with someone the lines get blurred. In all honesty the only time sex is truly crystal clear is when it’s bad.

These are my four reasons to “Keep Your Cookie in the Jar”

Hi, have we dated?

Dating is an endangered species. I know at least three couples in real life who never went on a date until they officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. Stop falling for the “Netflix and chill” it gives the man too much opportunity to get you comfortable.

Make him date you by making a suggestion for an short activity in public. You can take a walk, get an ice cream, or grab a coffee. If he isn’t down for any of your suggestions you can forget to text him back. You have your own Netflix subscription and you can chill alone. Your cookie shouldn’t even leave it’s air tight container if you have no level of friendship and a man who won’t date you is a stranger.

5 Dates Ain’t Enough

If you are lucky enough to meet someone who will date you and take you on more than one date, rejoice. After you have done your private happy dance don’t ease up just yet. The choice not to have sex is not malicious you just really want to make sure that the presenter and the man are one.

Most men know the deal and know just how long they need to be on their best behavior. Don’t be a shrinking violet. Men are not afraid to let women down when it comes to their expectations. I am not suggesting that Mr. Wonderful isn’t all that he says he is but wouldn’t it be nice to be sure.

Stop Getting into Sexuationships

If you are over the age of 25 you are too old to be friends with benefits. If you think having sex with someone and quietly keeping your feelings to yourself is healthy, grow up. Why are you giving a Section 8 Voucher to your Park Avenue pent house.

If it’s sex then let it be sex but don’t be friends. I understand women have needs but potential friends with benefits just take up space. FWB is a form of settling and you settle with bill collectors not in relationships. Why waste time when you can keep the cookie in the jar.

Maybe I belong in the natural history museum for even suggesting to millennial woman not to have sex. I just feel if you’ve had it before what’s the rush? Especially if you desire to find someone who will last beyond a moment. Sex can cloud compatibility and a torrid affair is passionate but it only lasts for so long. Once again I am not anti sex keep the lines of communication open. I’m just suggesting knowing a person a little better before getting kinky.

Don’t get sad, get free!!

I read a woman’s Facebook status where she stated she wished she could un-have sex with someone. My immediate first thought was stop having sex with people. That thought wasn’t judgemental it was real. If you’re not having sex you don’t have these awkward moments with men after they reveal their true selves.

You can’t control when you will meet Mr. Right. You can control what you do and do not give Mr. Wrong. Nothing feels better than that sigh of relief “Thank God, I didn’t sleep with that jerk!”

Once again, I could be the cave woman preaching to the millennial. At some point you have to ask yourself is the road to commitment one of choice or chance? Should you leave no stone left unturned? In my case I plan on letting the rolling stones pass me by. Some heartbreak is inevitable and some is excessive.

The beautiful sex organ is between your ears and not your legs-She’s Gotta Have It

For more Oh Wize One be sure to  follow her on Facebook at OhWize One, Instagram@ohwizeone, twitter @ohwize1. Remember to share the wisdom with friends!!


Source: Is Keeping Your Cookie in the Jar Unrealistic?

Dirty, Sexy, Monogamy: Scott and Laura’s Infinite Playlist

 by Laura Wize

Dating in your twenties teaches you to adjust your expectations…or at least it did with my experience. It taught me all the things that I didn’t want to continue in my thirties. I also had really awesome, scandalous, dirty, hot sex.

It’s true, and I can’t deny it.

I described myself much like Julia Roberts described herself in Pretty Woman— “A bum magnet. If there was bum within a file mile radius, he was mine”.

Strangely enough, some of the best sex I ever had was with those bums.

My twenties are coming to a close, and I finally found a great guy, Scott, who is not a bum. We’re in love and planning our future together. So what is wrong with me having a great guy? Nothing is wrong; I just had the expectation that we would be having this life-altering sex.

Don’t misunderstand.  We have good sex. I just want more.

If I plan on potentially marrying him, then it was on me to admit I needed more.

I got frustrated at the thought of even bringing up the topic.

I even began to wonder why is good sex attached to bad people. I always thought that when the stars magically aligned themselves, everything would be perfect.

Well, we had “the conversation,” and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. The conversation went something like this:

Me: I want to write about sex, but I feel like it will make you uncomfortable.

Scott: Why would it make me uncomfortable? You write about sex all the time.

Me: ‘Cause it’s about our sex life.

Scott: What you are you going to say?

Me: It will be about how to have a better sex life with your partner, and I’m my own test dummy. It’s not that it’s bad; it could just be better.

Scott: What will we do to make it better?

Me: Well I have some exercises in mind, books to read, and maybe go to an adult store.

The possibility of a trip to the Hustler store put him on the road to happiness, and I got his full consent as a test dummy. The thing you need to understand about Scott and I…we are total opposites.

I am upbeat, and he is a realist. My favorite movie is Moonstruck, and his is Last of the Mohicans.

I also think we have two different expectations of what should happen in the bedroom.

music_is_my_boyfriend_by_klamczuchaOur first small step towards understanding and big step towards multiple orgasms is Scott and Laura’s infinite playlist. We both love music, and I personally believe that what you listen to says everything about who you are and what you want. I think once we hear what the other person wants, it will make it easier to know what works for them. I asked him to come up with a playlist of five songs to describe what his ideal sexual experience is, and I would do the same.

Scott asked, “What if they are all raunchy songs?”

I just laughed and thought, “That will explain a lot.”

The playlist theory is to further explore each other’s unconscious needs. The things we want to describe but can’t because it is too hard.

Sexual expectations are similar to having an island mentality: you aren’t aware of what is happening in other places because, hell, you live in paradise.

I wanted to get a mutual understanding of our latitude and longitude as a couple.

Scott’s List:

  • Kelly- Sex Me
  • Teddy Pendergrass- Close the Door
  • Johnny Gill – Love in an Elevator
  • Eric Benet- Chocolate Legs
  • Silk- Freak Me

Laura’s List:

  • Maxwell- Sumthin Sumthin – Mello Smooth Mix
  • Raheem Devaugn- Garden of Love
  • Prince- Scandalous
  • Nine Inch Nails- Closer
  • Joe- Love Scene

After listening to Scott’s playlist, I came to the conclusion that he is eager to please his partner. He thinks of sex as a private intimate act that he wants to share with someone special.

Overall, the exercise was like reading the opposing team’s playbook– only in this case cheating is totally acceptable.

I think he liked it too.

And I think you have to be willing to make the sex in your relationship what you want.

As for Scott and I, only time can tell if our infinite playlist will get us from good to explosive. I feel like admitting we had a problem was the first step, and we’re better already.

INTERVIEW: Cassie Wolfe, LCSW, MEd., PhD Candidate

Cassie Wolfe, LCSW, MEd., PhD Candidate

Cassie Wolfe

Cassie Wolfe is a clinical social worker at an inpatient psychiatric facility where she provides case management and therapy (specializing in human sexuality) for adults, and sex education to our two adolescent units. She is also a guest lecture and facilitates trainings to other healthcare professionals on a variety of sexuality-related issues: adolescent sexuality, working with the LGBTQ population, and transgender healthcare concerns. And as if that weren’t enough, she is also part of a “sex expert” panel for providing sex and relationship advice to members who email questions.

How did you find yourself here? What’s your story?

Like many other young people, I was obsessed with learning and talking about sex. Since I was always open to talking about sex and relationships, I became the “go to” person for my friends. At 16, an opportunity presented itself to become an editorial board member for a nationally published teen written sexuality newsletter, Sex, Etc. Writing about sexual health issues sparked my desire to continue the conversation about sex and healthy sexuality by exploring any and every issue on the sexuality spectrum. I often joked about becoming a “sex therapist” and even dressed up as what I thought one might look like, for Halloween one year! Deep inside I knew I wanted to somehow merge my passion for helping people resolve their problems with my love and curiosity about sexual health; but, I was clueless about how to make it a reality.

My first real job out of college was as a treatment adherence counselor for individuals who were HIV-positive. It wasn’t, however, until my friend, Heather and I were drinking Starbucks and rummaging through books about relationships at Barnes and Nobles that I realized what I wanted and needed to do. Heather said, “I don’t know why you’re not doing this! You’ve always wanted to do sex therapy – do it already!” That night I started googling programs and was eventually accepted into Widener University’s dual degree masters in social work and doctorate in human sexuality program. Since starting the program, I have continued to work with people with HIV/AIDS, mental health, and/or substance abuse issues. I hope to eventually open a private practice and continue working with other healthcare professionals to educate them about sexuality issues that affect the people they treat.

If you could go back, would you do it again or take another path? And what would that look like you think?

I was always fascinated with law and animals; however, there’s not one day I wake up and think “What if.” I wake up every day loving what I do and feel inspired to do more. There was a three year gap between the time I graduated from undergrad and entered grad school; so perhaps if I could’ve changed my journey, I would’ve had it start a bit sooner.

Describe your life in one word.


What’s your guilty pleasure?

Watching Judge Judy.

Worst assumptions made about you based on what you do?

Lots! That I must have something psychologically wrong with me to enjoy talking about sex and listening to people talk about their sex lives; that I must have been sexually abused as a child to pursue a career in this field; that I have sex with my clients; that I have sex with my clients and then teach them how to be better; that I somehow know everything about sex; that I must be interested in any and every sexual behavior; or that I watch couples having sex and coach them through every moment. There’s also this assumption that I’m one dimensional and only want to talk about sex 24/7.

Are women as sexually graphic as men in your experience?

I find that when people, both men and women, feel safe, comfortable, and trusting, they are equally as graphic. Sometimes all someone needs is permission to express him/herself free of guilt and judgment, and then poof, the floodgates are opened!

Correct some misconceptions about (your project/career/lifestyle).

Right now there is no title protection for terms like “therapist,” “counselor,” or “educator.” There are some people who have no formal training in human sexuality and are able to offer services and identify themselves as any of those titles. There are people who also identify themselves as “sexual surrogates” or “body workers” and also as “counselors,” who do engage sexually with the people who come to them for help. This creates mass confusion about who does what and why there are many assumptions about whether sex therapists have sex with their clients. Clinical professions such as social workers, psychologists, licensed professional counselors, marriage and family therapists, and psychiatrists are all ethically bound by their respective boards to NOT have sexual relationships with their clients. Doing otherwise is a major ethical violation that would likely result in the loss of one’s license and ability to practice. In most states, it is still illegal to pay for sex or sexual acts like prostate massages or masturbation. If people are ever confused about what services someone is offering, a good starting place is to look up the credentials after their name.

Contact Cassie at any of her social media links:


Twitter: @SexGuruCSW


Mistress Elle: How to Be a Heartbreaker

That’s right.  It’s time for your session with Mistress Elle.Elle

Mistresses operate best giving instructions.  😉

It’s easy.

1.  You submit your questions to

2.  I share my googled research, sage advice, years of experience, and deliver it to you in one sarcastically biting blog.

Now…I’m going to let this song start to explain today’s question from Newfound Freedom in Seattle.

Dear Mistress,

I’ve recently gone through a divorce and find myself single after a 17-year marriage.  I’ve spent years wondering what it would be like to play the field, but only now am I truly able to attempt it.  I fantasize about being the Heartbreaker I was never able to become.  Trouble is…I have no idea where to begin.  I got married right out of high school and have only ever been with my ex-husband.  Help a girl out.  Where do I start?

Yours truly,

Newfound Freedom

Seattle, WA

Newfound Freedom,

The first thing a girl needs to do is understand the rules; hence, my Marina and the Diamonds intro.

1.  Do You!

The first rule and underlying philosophy of being a Heartbreaker is: It’s all about you.  You need to turn off your need to please.  Turn off your sympathy.  Turn off your empathy.  Turn off your desire to please….except when it comes to yourself.  “Doing you” is about satisfying your urges, your needs, your desires and your amusement.  It’s harder than it might seem.  I think we all have a natural inclination to feel for someone, even those we just meet.  So this step and mentality may take some practice.  Focus on the fun.  When the fun begins to wane or if you suspect the other person is beginning to develop feelings for you, you have to walk away.  Detach and flee quickly and without warning.

Not doing so will result in unnecessary drama and emotional conflict.  Both of these are the very antithesis of “fun.”

2.  Appearance

Doing You also comes with a sub-requirement that merits it’s own entry: Appearance.  It’s hard to be a Heartbreaker with unshaven legs, split ends, dry skin and half-painted nails.  Sexual attraction, especially surface sexual attraction, is motivated by visual appeal.  Make sure that no matter what, you clear your schedule for one day a week and do all the girly maintenance at once.  Not only will it increase your confidence, it will ensure that you shine and stand out from your competition.  Shiny things don’t only attract the eyes of women. 😉

3.  Be Bold.

You only get what you really want.  If you see a person you would like to get to know, you aren’t going to get to know them by sitting and playing on your phone.  You have to “grow a pair of tits”, as Lily Allen would say, and approach them.  For some, it takes slipping into a “character”, someone perhaps not timid like their usual self.  For others, it takes a drink or two…or music…or meditation…or “motivation” (for the actors out there).  Whatever it takes you to become assertive, do it!  I guarantee after a while that your personality will change and assertiveness will become part of your nature.  If you’re lucky, it will not only help your love life, but your career, your other passions and your meaningful relationships.

Boldness should permeate your wardrobe, your speech, your ability to make eye contact, your approach, your body language and your sense of adventure.

4.  Play the field.

Go big or go home.  You can’t be a Heartbreaker by focusing all your attention on one person.  By definition, a Heartbreaker plays the field.  Ideally, you should never date the same person more than once, but given reality, there will be those that you quite enjoy and want to take out for another test drive. You should always be on the lookout for new players to add to the fold. Keep an influx of new players and an outflux of retirees.  Never go out or meet more than twice or feelings will begin to form, even in “Friends with Benefits” situations.

5.  Keep him/her at bay and definitely make them work for it.

Being too available wreaks of desperation.  And while I’m not a big proponent of playing games, being a Heartbreaker is unfortunately one of the times when it’s a necessary evil.  Anything catchable is not worth having.  Remain elusive.  If he/she calls, give it a few days before calling back.  Make tentative plans and don’t follow through.  Don’t divulge the minutiae of your day, details about your personal life, your real social media information, information about your family or your past relationships.  Your goal is to remain a woman of mystery, to give the impression that you have a life outside of him/her and that you have better things to do than sit by the phone or computer waiting for correspondence.

Better yet, don’t fake it!  Get out there.  Be on the prowl.  Be experiencing new things, meeting new people, and living!

Put the onus on the other person to plan, organize and pay for the date.  They should be trying to impress you rather than the other way around.  Heartbreakers are in it merely for the fun, and all that planning and organizing takes too much energy.

we__re_not_the_perfect_two_by_asheemerson-d4s6h5p6.  Build them up.

It’s important to remain neutral in your emotional involvement, but the largest part of being a Heartbreaker is the actually breaking of the hearts.

While on dates, become “the ideal woman.”  You must be able to morph into the characteristics they find most attractive.  Learn as much as everything as you can because you never know when you might need it.  For instance, if he’s into Baseball, you should be able to site enough information to gain some credibility.  Learn some stats or player’s names.  Or if you are more of a football girl, that’s okay too.  It still shows an interest in sports without mimicking his interests exactly.  You want to create the illusion that every interest they have is validated, is special and is shared.  Great Heartbreakers scope this information out in the pre-date conversation.  Being prepared will make the date less awkward.

Your goal is to become the “perfect girl” in the few hours you will spend with them.  Like a salesperson, you have to have them believe you might just be “the one” so that when you walk away (no later than date #2), there is a real and stinging emotional let-down, a breaking of their heart.

7.  And finally, Grow a thick skin.

Being a Heartbreaker is not to be taken lightly.  It’s hard work.  It’s emotionally disastrous if you aren’t in the right head space.  And what may be fun at first, becomes empty quickly.  It’s not a cure for loneliness, nor will you always be proud of yourself.

But try to at least have some fun while it lasts.

INTERVIEW: Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Today, we feature an interview with sexologist, Dr. Martha Tara Lee.  Dr. Lee is doing amazing things in Singapore educating people about sexuality and counseling individuals with sex-related issues.  Dr. Lee is a woman who looked out into the world, identified a problem and stepped up to do something about it.  We are honored to have the opportunity to interview her this week for Libidacoria Magazine.

Dr. Martha Tara Lee

What do you do: Sexuality coaching and sexuality educational programs online and face-to-face

Official website:


How did you find yourself here? What’s your story?

I worked in corporate communications for eight years, before starting and running a non-profit for two years. When the non-profit closed down, I realized I wanted to continue being in a helping profession but as a business. During that time in Singapore, there was a reported rise in teenage pregnancy and the sexual transmitted infections rate. It made me angry. In fact, I was so bothered; I couldn’t sleep. I began to realize it wasn’t just the bad news, but the lack of good that bugged me. I questioned why sex was never talked about in positive ways. I asked myself if I could become trained to be some kind of sexuality counselor to help more people in a more specific field. After I did more research, I realized what I really wanted to be was a sexologist – where I saw private clients as well as ran sexuality education events. That led me to making several trips to San Francisco to complete my doctorate in human sexuality.

How does one get into this profession?

Pursue a Master’s or Doctorate in human sexuality in a university – if offered in their country.

Where do you get your inspiration?

Everything. I follow the work of leaders, coaches, and fellow sexologists. I read widely, including many topics outside of my field.

What 3 people have influenced you most? Why?

My parents have and continue to influence me a lot. They gave me life and did their best as parents in their own way, and I am grateful for everything they have done for me.

 Have you embraced technology or are you still a pen and paper writer?

I am very active on social media, and have launched several online training programs such as Sex Jumpstart for Couples; Ready, Get Sex, Go for guys who want to gain ejaculation control; and Sex Possible for ladies who suffer from vaginismus.

Love-Sex-everything-front-cover-page-001What was your moment—the moment you realized you “made” it?

I am not sure what “made” it means exactly but I suppose when I published my book, Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, it was definitely a dream come true and a major milestone for me.

What’s your cure for creative blockage?

Exercise and meditation.

What’s your preferred drink?

Hot chocolate with soy milk.

What’s your sexiest turn-on?

Soft caresses.

Name one completely useless thing you’re really good at.

Sleeping. I can sleep anytime, anywhere – even while standing.

How do you turn off your job and maintain a personal life?

My work is challenging because I not only work with clients who come in with all kinds of sexual issues and personal problems, but I am also an introvert. I have learned to manage my energy by spending plenty of time restoring my nerves through exercise, meditation, and learning about nutrition and being more mindful of what I eat. I am also more conscious and deliberate about who I spend time with, and what I do. For instance, I am drawn to watching movies that have happy endings, and only hanging out with my friends who are spiritual and whom I care deeply about.

If you could go back, would you do it again or take another path? And what would that look like you think?

No, I won’t take any other path.



To learn more about  Dr. Lee, visit her official website at  You can also follow her on Facebook and on Twitter, and like her Facebook page at


Learning the Ropes

by Johnny Jackhammer

More and more, I am into the “B” that fits into BDSM.

Recently, my eye has been caught by some amazing rope work.  You can see some incredibly intricate designs at fetish events, internet sites, and local gatherings.  They are masterful and can take hours to perform, especially if they involve suspensions.

INTERLUDE:  Before you grab some clothesline to wrap up your lover, be sure to put some thought to safety.  You want to get kinky and have fun, not end up in the emergency room or jail. 

A good rule of thumb is to make sure you can put that thumb under any of your bindings.  If you can’t slip two fingers under the rope work, then it’s too tight for safety.  Be particularly careful around pressure points and major arteries.  Watch the tightness around wrists, necks, ankles, and thighs.  Trust me, your bindings do not have to be pulled tight to be inescapable.  And keep safety scissors close by.

Public domain image

What attracts me to rope play?  Three things:  the performance art, the power exchange, and the challenge.

The Performance Art

Rope masters are true artists.  They include multiple ropes of exotic colors.  They often incorporate suspensions and danger in their work.  And they produce amazing photographs of their results.

Shibari is perhaps the highest rope art being practiced.  Shabari translates as “to tie” from the Japanese, and it invokes a Japanese sensibility in rope bondage.  For a treat, browse the galleries of David Lawrence’s Shibari Art Photography website.

The very best rope art creates patterns and utilizes the natural curves and features of the human subject being tied.


Power Exchange

It is hot to have somebody give herself or himself over to be tied up by you.  Be sure to discuss limits and obtain full consent.  Don’t betray their trust.  There’s trust involved in giving oneself over.  And, if you have the right partner, they allow you to take advantage of their vulnerability.  They surrender the power to you.

Don’t ever ignore the established “safe word” – everybody has the right to stop play at any time for any reason.

Do things they cannot see.  Elevate things.  Create wrist cuffs and secure them to furniture.  Take the power.

Take the power by making them harder to access.  If you will fuck them, bind their thighs together to create a struggle for entry.  My lady particularly likes that tight restraint, followed by my weight to pin her down.

Once fully tied, be sure to check in frequently.  Whisper in their ear, tease them.  But make sure that you also check in to make sure they are still enjoying themselves.

My lady, GoodWitchNorth, enjoying the afterglow of a rope scene.

My lady, GoodWitchNorth, enjoying the afterglow of a rope scene.

The Challenge

Anyone can do a quick cuff, but how do you make it appealing as well as functional?  Can you create a corset or decorative tie that restricts and binds your partner so that they can’t escape?  Rope as a craft is a challenge.  But its beauty can be found in its simplicity.  Keep ties simple when you are starting out, and you’ll be very happy.

I have a book recommendation:  Two Knotty Boys Showing You The Ropes.  It’s a nice primer of what rope to start with, how to do basic ties and knots, and ways to play safe.

One helpful point from the book is not to worry about the type of rope.  Your local hardware store has nice nylon or jute rope that is inexpensive and effective.  If you do want to add an extra special element, I recommend a nice bamboo silk rope from deGiotto Rope.  You’ll pay a premium, but the colors are vibrant and the rope is soft, yet strong.

Have fun, and take photos if you can!  We would love to see them.

Mistress Elle: Jumping Into eBay Feet First

That’s right.  It’s time for your session with Mistress Elle.Elle Mistresses operate best giving instructions.  😉 It’s easy. 1.  You submit your questions to 2.  I share my googled research, sage advice, years of experience, and deliver it to you in one sarcastically biting blog. And now, Curious in Ohio “shoely” needs some help from The Mistress.

Q: What’s Up With These Shoes on eBay?

First up is a question from Curious in Ohio: So I have a question….See, I like to browse eBay for used shoes (I am a shoe freak!) and sometimes someone only wears the shoe only a couple of times and decide they hate the shoes and try to sell them.  I have gotten some really good shoes for a good price that way, but I always wondered about those certain listings where the shoes are trashed and the listing of it is “private” (whatever the hell that means).   I am sure there are other women looking for normal shoes on eBay and have come across these listings and wondered what the hell is going on.  Is there a fetish out there where men like used shoes that women put their feet in and have pics with? Can’t figure this one out!! Or could it be a lesbian thing? Educate me.   Curious in Ohio, What a great question!  And I actually have personal experience here.  As a long-time eBay lister, I was once approached about a pair of shoes I listed on eBay a year or so back.  We all know how Mistress loves her shoes, and I had reached the point where my collection was growing larger than my capacity to store them. (Not my actual closet…mine is SOOOO much larger. lol) So…I listed a pair of tan wedged sandals that had been worn quite a few times.  My foot imprint was in the sole but they were clean and good condition otherwise. Just hours after my posting was listed, I got 2 emails regarding the shoes as well as requests for additional pictures of my feet. Come to find out through some further email exchanges there IS a fetish out there for worn women’s shoes and more specifically sweaty feet.

One of the men to approach me was the writer of this blog:  Not only does he surf eBay for potential features for his blog, he also tracks celebrity gossip columns.  And yes, I was a featured foot model for his eBay listers. This fetish is not a lesbian thing.  As with most fetishes, it spans both genders and is a very specialized type of the more general “foot fetish.” To your point of the listing type, posting a “private” auction does ensure that the name and information of the buyer is not made public to other eBayers.  Many adult listings, as well as some clothing, shoe and accessory listings are made private. I  once had a friend who was a crossdresser, and he was able to shed some light on this mystery.  You see it’s uncomfortable for most crossdressers to shop retail stores, particularly to visit women’s retail shops and try on the clothing and shoes.  Just imagine the looks they would get!  So eBay is the most viable option.  Not only are the items delivered in such a way that even the postal worker isn’t aware of the contents, they can shop with complete freedom from embarrassment of other eBayers. So as you are perusing the shoe availability on our favorite auction site, you won’t be able to help but notice these listings now.  And hell, if you need some extra money, there are certainly worse things you could sell.

Mistress Elle: Balloon Fetish (a.k.a. Looners)

That’s right.  It’s time for your session with Mistress Elle. Elle Mistresses operate best giving instructions.  It’s easy. 1.  You submit your questions to 2.  I share my googled research, sage advice, years of experience, and deliver it to you in one sarcastically biting blog. Now…I’ve had so many questions flooding in after the post of this story that we thought it a good idea to dive a bit deeper into this fetish.  The following question was submitted to me and seemed to get right to the point.

Q: Balloon Fetish. WTF???

That’s right. As if it didn’t get weird enough when it comes to our sex likes, there are actually people out there– called “looners” by the way– that enjoy getting their latex on in a completely surprising way…with balloons!

Now when it comes to “looners”, they are not all alike. For some of them, popping the balloons can cause sexual arousal. They actually enjoy the “pop”.

For others, it’s the anxiety or fear of the popping that pops their rocks.

And for others, they may get sexually aroused from blowing them up, sitting or laying on them, or even the squeaky sound of rubbing against them.

And finally, there are actually people out there that become emotionally attached to said balloons and prefer to have sex “with” the latex beauties.

So one will naturally ask, as this question submitter did, WTF???  

The psychology of it, as with most fetishes, varies with the individual. Some might argue the anxiety of the fear heightens their parasympathetic arousal. Other psychologists will attribute the arousal to childhood experiences that link that sexual feelings with this childhood iconic symbol.

It’s also widely thought that the “popping” of balloons is a metaphor for climax…or even death. But as we know the orgasm is called, “Little Death”, in some cultures, so they are essentially the same, right? 😉 Now some of you may be hoping to experiment with balloons to see what’s the hype. Remember, they CAN BE dangerous. “You’ll poke your eye out.” No, seriously. So keep them away from eyes, and it is possible to burst an ear drum, so avoid close proximity to ears as well. And for Pete’s sake, DO NOT insert them into any orifice no matter how horny you may get. Bursting inside you could cause irreparable harm. But we’re sexual intellectuals here, so there’s no need to tell you that, right? It should be common sense. Heed my advice or you will be punished.  Unfortunately, it will be by the Universe and not by your ever-loving Mistress.

Mistress Elle: Why Porn Can’t Be Your Only Learning Material

That’s right.  It’s time for your session with Mistress Elle.


Mistresses operate best giving instructions.  It’s easy.

1.  You submit your questions to

2.  I share my googled research, sage advice, years of experience, and deliver it to you in one sarcastically biting blog.

Today’s tip comes out of a question I received from a man who is having trouble getting his girl to get off.  His rather lengthy explanation led me to this blog.  Men– Pay attention or it’s the shackles for all of you.

Why Porn Can’t Be Your Only Learning Material

Porn seems to be largely comprised of men quite literally “banging” women into orgasm almost as if they are wielding their members like a weapon of piercing brutality.  And while a woman loves a good “bang” once in a while, you amateurs may be surprised to learn, it doesn’t quite work that way.

The famous Masters & Johnson have found that the outer third of the vagina is actually the most sensitive for women. So pull back on that weapon, men. Deep hard thrusts may only be making her sore, and in some cases, turning her off. The opposite of the effect you would HOPE to have.

Next time you and your lovely lady hit the sheets, make a game of it. Try to only use the tip of your penis inside her…or better yet, try not using your penis at all. Try making it ALL about her and use your hands and tongue to increase her pleasure. Note the difference in her reaction, and then write me and tell me about it. I love a good story. 😉

Now get to it! You have homework.

Mistress Elle: Bathtime Fun



Not everything with Mistress Elle is a punishment.  Sometimes I like to reward my little beasts with some playtime.

Sometimes, nothing feels as bad as some good clean fun.
When was the last time you had a couple bath?

Yeah, I know.  Bathes and showers are a part of our daily routine.  We hop in.  We clean, and we hurry out on our way to work, or to school, or to bed.

But don’t wash them away so easily…

Couple bathes can be a great way to reconnect with your partner in a soapy, slippery, touch-based communication session that proves a relaxing begin to foreplay if done correctly.

It can be a clean way to play,

a way to pamper one another,

or when taken a bit farther…a way to break away from the norm, i.e. your bed.

So load up on the bubble bath, baby oil, candles and shampoo and plan some “alone” time in the bathroom on your next date night.

Cleansing yourself doesn’t have to be part of your mundane routine EVERY time.   Get a little dirty while getting clean!

Mistress out.