trust

See Jane Trust. Trust No Dick.

See Jane.

See Jane trust.

See Dick accuse Jane of cheating.

Trust no Dick.

The true character of a man is tested when his mind starts to construct fantasies about his reality.

Harry once told Sally that men could never be friends with women.

It’s a sad world when a girl can’t just talk to a boy. I was recently united with a guy a went to school with. We were friends throughout Junior High and High School and dated one another for a brief stint my Junior year. I wouldn’t call it anything serious. We both went on to have families and careers and earn our hardship badges.

We reconnected a few months ago via facebook and emailed back and forth sporadically, but last week he sent me his number since Facebook Messenger isn’t the easiest thing to use. We started texting, reminiscing and just being goofy. I was enjoying getting to know him all over again and hearing about his adventures since our departure.

But just like Harry said, that was when it all started to go downhill.

The guy I’m seeing (actually LIVING with) jumped off the emotional cliff.

  1. A text message conveying my friend’s frustration with single life turned into an elicit relationship.
  2. A series of sporadic phone calls was deceitful to him and progressed too quickly to be “innocent”.
  3. And even though I cleared it with him before saying ‘yes’, when I offered to help my friend by giving him a ride, my friend was automatically assumed a stalker that would rape me the first chance he got.
  4. A mystery truck was parked outside our house yesterday, so logically, he called the company to scope out the employees and see if he could match it up to my facebook friend’s list.
  5. These are only the actions that I know about.

I get that a certain amount of jealousy is normal, but one has to ask one’s self, “At what point does “normal” end and “crazy” begin?”.

From my perspective, it all boils down to trust. He’ll argue that he trusts me but not my friend. I’ll argue that he doesn’t trust ME.

If we play a bit of devil’s advocate here, even if my friend has ill intentions, it’s obvious the boyfriend doesn’t trust my ability to either fend off my friend’s advances or to be able to identify the malicious intent.

Today I’m plagued with the question regarding the line between “normal” and “crazy,” so I went out in search of answers.

According to Gurl.com, there are 10 signs that tell you if your boyfriend is too possessive, and we seem to have at least 6 going on here.

  1. He doesn’t like you talking to any other guys AT ALL.
  2. He always accuses you of flirting with other people.
  3. He gets mad when you don’t text back fast enough.
  4. He monitors what you do on social media.
  5. He grills you about everything you do.
  6. He gets irate if you can’t find you right away.
  7. He’s really suspicious of your friends.
  8. He gets mad at you about things you wear.
  9. He never believe you even though you’ve never given him a reason not to.
  10. You catch him going through your phone.

My friend suggested, as I relayed the reason I could no longer be his friend, that perhaps the jealousy was stemming from the boyfriend’s own infidelity and thus projecting onto me. While I adamantly denied that he would do that, his escapades last night have me experiencing Pyrate flashbacks.

For those of you who don’t follow my blogs, Pyrate was someone I dated a few years ago who I discovered was hacking into my phone after I fell asleep at night and modifying emails to make it appear as if I was cheating so he could try to control my behavior and drive me mad by paranoia. All his effort only resulted in a messy break-up and an apparent PTSD dating aftertaste.

So here I am. Not sure what to do. I’ve lost a friend to keep the insanity in check, but do I now live a life where I can’t make new friends, text message people, or have conversations with strangers? Is he always going to be questioning my every move and second guessing everyone’s intentions? Is this more a reflection of his lack of self-confidence?

Have you ever dealt with a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend? How did you work it out?

Learning the Ropes

by Johnny Jackhammer

More and more, I am into the “B” that fits into BDSM.

Recently, my eye has been caught by some amazing rope work.  You can see some incredibly intricate designs at fetish events, internet sites, and local gatherings.  They are masterful and can take hours to perform, especially if they involve suspensions.

INTERLUDE:  Before you grab some clothesline to wrap up your lover, be sure to put some thought to safety.  You want to get kinky and have fun, not end up in the emergency room or jail. 

A good rule of thumb is to make sure you can put that thumb under any of your bindings.  If you can’t slip two fingers under the rope work, then it’s too tight for safety.  Be particularly careful around pressure points and major arteries.  Watch the tightness around wrists, necks, ankles, and thighs.  Trust me, your bindings do not have to be pulled tight to be inescapable.  And keep safety scissors close by.

Public domain image

What attracts me to rope play?  Three things:  the performance art, the power exchange, and the challenge.

The Performance Art

Rope masters are true artists.  They include multiple ropes of exotic colors.  They often incorporate suspensions and danger in their work.  And they produce amazing photographs of their results.

Shibari is perhaps the highest rope art being practiced.  Shabari translates as “to tie” from the Japanese, and it invokes a Japanese sensibility in rope bondage.  For a treat, browse the galleries of David Lawrence’s Shibari Art Photography website.

The very best rope art creates patterns and utilizes the natural curves and features of the human subject being tied.

Rope123

Power Exchange

It is hot to have somebody give herself or himself over to be tied up by you.  Be sure to discuss limits and obtain full consent.  Don’t betray their trust.  There’s trust involved in giving oneself over.  And, if you have the right partner, they allow you to take advantage of their vulnerability.  They surrender the power to you.

Don’t ever ignore the established “safe word” – everybody has the right to stop play at any time for any reason.

Do things they cannot see.  Elevate things.  Create wrist cuffs and secure them to furniture.  Take the power.

Take the power by making them harder to access.  If you will fuck them, bind their thighs together to create a struggle for entry.  My lady particularly likes that tight restraint, followed by my weight to pin her down.

Once fully tied, be sure to check in frequently.  Whisper in their ear, tease them.  But make sure that you also check in to make sure they are still enjoying themselves.

My lady, GoodWitchNorth, enjoying the afterglow of a rope scene.

My lady, GoodWitchNorth, enjoying the afterglow of a rope scene.

The Challenge

Anyone can do a quick cuff, but how do you make it appealing as well as functional?  Can you create a corset or decorative tie that restricts and binds your partner so that they can’t escape?  Rope as a craft is a challenge.  But its beauty can be found in its simplicity.  Keep ties simple when you are starting out, and you’ll be very happy.

I have a book recommendation:  Two Knotty Boys Showing You The Ropes.  It’s a nice primer of what rope to start with, how to do basic ties and knots, and ways to play safe.

One helpful point from the book is not to worry about the type of rope.  Your local hardware store has nice nylon or jute rope that is inexpensive and effective.  If you do want to add an extra special element, I recommend a nice bamboo silk rope from deGiotto Rope.  You’ll pay a premium, but the colors are vibrant and the rope is soft, yet strong.

Have fun, and take photos if you can!  We would love to see them.